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Saturday, November 23, 2013

NEW FAMILY RULES FOR 2014!

I've been holding a lot of sarcasm inside so it's time to release by sharing my New Family Rules for 2014:

1. If you live 15 minutes from me and I don't mess with you, it's safe to say in my eyes you're no longer considered family but I do wish you well. Carry on with your lives. Don't call us, we'll call you!

2. If you're a "close friend" of the family..........Ummm, I'll be the judge o
f that. In other words please keep in mind that YOU are close with MY family. I didn't choose you so don't assume WE are close or even cool. My selection process is a little tougher than theirs so lets just assume that you didn't make the cut. Don't call us, we'll call you!

3. Family can either hurt or they can heal. If I'm not sharing personal/private matters with you it's because either you can't handle the truth and I am considerate of that or you can't hold water and I am considerate of others who are involved.

4. If you claim we are family but you haven't figured out the basic DO's, like how to be kind, helpful, respectful, genuine, sincere OR the DON'TS like no envy, no foulness (I REPEAT) no envy, no foulness, no spreading rumors & lies because you're covering up BS you started which has hurt the family.......Carry on with your IMAGERY. Don't call us & we won't call you!

5. Train and school your friends/associates so they don't set themselves up to get their feelings hurt by family member..... but lets just say me for example. YOUR friends should not feel they can come to ME to discuss anything negative about people I adore because I will never side with them. Life is unfair & they should be warned about me in advance.

6. If we were close like 2 peas in a pod, but we no longer speak and there is zero communication, lets keep it going. Life is actually getting better for me & I wouldn't want to ruin it by letting negativity back in. Don't call us.......no really please don't!

7. If you deleted me from your Facebook page please, may I suggest you go hard or go home. I mean why delete when you can block me because how you do me on the internet is how I'm doing you in real life. I don't play no games on Facebook and I either go hard or I go home! Carry on with your IMAGERY!
 
8. There is no more because you are family you get unlimited chances to make our lives miserable with your personal drama. I've learned how to not allow my drama to affect or infect family. Now I'm almost 40 which means you've been around long enough to understand that if you ALWAYS have drama then YOU ARE DRAMA. If you didn't get it right by now you never will. In other words....you're just foul! Don't call me......just me. Thank you kindly.

9. Please don't speak on behalf of the family and most certainly not on my behalf........that position has been & always will be filled! Thank you kindly!

10. The kids are not an excuse for us to come together as one. Chances are the apples don't fall far from the tree so if adults are foul & don't get along, the kids are smart enough to know it, copy it or become it. No need to involve them in family drama. Let them catch up when they mature, this will give them lots to talk about. Thank you kindly.

11. If some family members are successful and doing very well in life, love them like you love the losers in the family. Don't count other people's pennies, just raise the bar in your life & put in the dedication as well as the hard work it takes to be successful. This is how you get invites to special celebrations. No need to thank me..........You're welcome!

12. If you don't have a proven track record for putting out fires, saving souls or your name isn't Jesus please stop pretending to be savior in the family. That position has been filled by the nurturers and genuine caregivers who have the wisdom to offer and the skills required to assist when family is in crisis. May I suggest to just you first mind your business and second practice doing just that until further notice. Oh and don't call us, we'll call you!

13. If you're stupid and you know it, that is unfair to the rest of us so don't claim us as family without consent! Technically you're no longer family until a DNA test proves otherwise. If the test says YOU ARE FAMILY......you can only associate with the side of the family we consider to be village idiots. Somebody has to lead the way so we must preserve the smart tribes!

14. Last but not least, if you think my new family rules are harsh, unfair or about you then simply add yourself to the "Don't call us, we'll call you" list. Feel free to turn your ringer off or leave it on.....it really makes no difference.  *F
eeling amused!*