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Monday, April 22, 2013

THE DISEASE TO PLEASE

One of my many life lessons is about people pleasing.  Going all out to please people will be the death of you!  Why?  Because you are unconsciously training people to depend on your kindness, benefit from your weakness and unintentionally use you.  

That makes no sense.  When the lines between helping someone while hurting yourself emotionally in the process becomes blurred, that is a red flag!  Sometimes you have to ask yourself, "What is it about me that I need to please?" 


Do you not believe that people will still love and care for you if you tell them NO?  Are you afraid of the people you try to please seeing you as anything but their savior? Do you feel bad about hurting another person's feelings so much that you sacrifice your sanity in the process?  


Do you benefit from it in some way?  Is it manipulation on your part to get people to see you in a good light so they don't peep your flaws, failures and fears?  Do you not feel good enough about you who are that you would subject yourself to be taken advantage of?  What drives your disease to please?


I often hear people say, "I love helping people".  Now that is a beautiful thing.  I love helping people too but I do believe that "a closed mouth does not get fed".  If you want to get fed then you must be willing to learn how to fish and not be open to handouts and being saved all of the time.  If not, you will always depend on the kindness of other which sucks for those with the disease to please.


I am happy to help, but my aim is not to please people.  That's a privilege. If I am aiming to please you then surely you have proven to be worthy of pleasing and no it won't be all of the time.  Worthy means willing to also please, support and encourage me too.

Balance is key in life.  It is very difficult to balance your life out when you spend a portion of your life pleasing others.

WHERE IS THE SELF LOVE IN THAT?

There really is a very thin line between helping people and hindering them.  What is your intention for the person you are pleasing?  Whether intentional or unintentional, you are getting something out of what you are giving.  People do not do things that does not benefit them in some way.  Benefits are not always money or things.  


There is an emotional benefit from that disease to please.  Perhaps, it is a form of external validation to make you feel good about yourself.  Maybe it could be manipulation to keep that person right where you want them, which is about maintaining control over them in some way. You do more damage to yourself and others in the long run when you have that disease to people please.  


You are teaching people to always expect you to give more of yourself, to depend on you to do for them.  You are allowing yourself to be used, abused by not saying NO to your desire to people please.  It is either manipulation, control or lack of self worth on your part because you need them to prove that you are a good person. 


If you have that disease to please in life, it really is time to soul search yourself!


"Give but don't allow yourself to be USED.  Love but don't allow your heart to be ABUSED. Trust but don't be NAIVE. Listen but don't lose your OWN VOICE." 

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