Friday, March 29, 2013


TGIF!!!!!!! I'm so happy Friday is here! I'm happy and excited about life right now. Anytime I gain personal growth, learn something new or figure out what my next step should be in life, I get really excited. Knowing what to focus on and which direction to go in life is required when you have specific goals that you wish to achieve. 
You cannot change or achieve anything without discipline.  You can't release  excess weight, exercise or live a healthy lifestyle without discipline.  You cannot educate yourself about many things in life without discipline.  You cannot be a seeker of all things without discipline but most important, you cannot be and stay IN FLOW without discipline.  

I'm excited because for some reason I just realized how much I have grown since I began blogging and having that period of personal growth has pushed me to keep following my bliss as I flow on through life.  I smile at life because I get it on so many levels so it becomes so much easier to just flow with it.  I go with the flow of life because I am truly creating my own flow. 

I am soul searching FEARLESSLY and following my truth so I can stay in flow. In flow means that you are bold, brave and very courageous in following your bliss! My bliss is way outside of the box and I love it!  Today is a great Friday for me because I feel unbeatable, powerful, unbreakable and truly unstoppable!  I wish the same for everyone. 

It is not easy to stay in flow or stay on track with your life when we have so many distractions, both good and bad. You have to stay true to yourself, learn, grow and do not hold onto who you were.  Live your life through love and learn how to let go of the past, so you can discover who you were meant to be in life. 

Your uniqueness is your mark and contribution to this world, so BE YOU!  People always say DO YOU, I say BE YOU because it is the same thing but it specifies that you being yourself by staying true to the core of who you really are inside, even as you grow and change in life.  My struggle is that people love to put me in a box or their personal box and I do not fit into a box.

Yes, I am every woman! I really can do anything I put my mind to and be truly phenomenal at it.  We all can BUT I just have to be me and live life my way.  This is why I keep an open mind as I stay open to new changes in, out and around  my life.  I'm about my purpose because that is where my bliss is and so I must flow on and follow my bliss!  

Live the life you love and truly love the life you are living.  That's the only way to stay true to who you are!  *TRUTH*

Wednesday, March 27, 2013


To truly be conscious of your greatness and purpose in this world, it starts with self.  When you work on yourself to figure out how to fix what you do not like about yourself, it places you on a perfect path of self examination, which will lead to self discovery.  I cannot stress the importance of the saying "KNOW THY SELF".  

It is truly important to figure out who you truly are in this world.  It is filled with so many fantasies, illusions, tricks and trends that teach you how to be a follower.  Not a LEADER, but a great follower.  Look around and you will clearly see that society will just dumb you way down to the ground daily.

At some point you will be left distracted or confused about what is really going on, what is important and who or what truly matters the most in your life.  Other people are so caught up in other people's personal lives, negative drama or so called celebrity lives. that they let parts of their own lives fall by the waste side.  All of what you put out into this world is your time and precious energy.

Life has taught me that people and things will clutter your mind, heart, spirit, soul and your whole life IF you allow it.  Everything is energy, so a huge part of life is balancing your precious time, while balancing positive and the negative energy in this world.  Your good vibes must be high.  Your goal is to stay true to yourself by being authentic.  

Life is about purpose.  Why are you here? What are you supposed to do in life?  Are you allowing all of the wrong people, places and things to distract you from your purpose?  We all have to handle the basics in life.  We also  have to focus on our purpose.  Your basics is daily living, family, work, friends, things to do, places to be and people to see.  Now what is your purpose?????

Your basics should lead you towards your purpose in life.  You cannot allow anything to distract you from what will feed your soul.  Knowing your purpose is soul food. It is also work because no matter how positive you are, negativity will come your way to challenge you.  When you are always challenged, you will have to go to battle and decide if you want to deal with negativity in a positive way, so you can win in life or if you want to fight fire with fire and fail.

It is not always so easy to be positive when you are not in a strong or very balanced emotional state of mind.  I used to think it was so easy to be happy and full of joy, but I learned that it came easy to me because I spend most of my life focusing on authentic joy.  I am always willing to put in the work it will take to create and sustain my joy.  I do it sober without drowning myself by constantly drinking, drugs, stimulants, etc..  I understand that is not so easy for others to do without people giving them constant motivation, inspiration or with the use of meds and substances.  

I don't want to numb myself, I want to feel life.  I am my own battery so I charge myself up.  I find try to always motivate and inspire myself from within.  My desire for a life of purpose by my definition, filled with knowledge and wisdom through love is strong so I bounce back in life like a boomerang!!

As a child I was very happy, outgoing, loving and just filled with so much positive energy.  As I experienced certain people in certain situations that were negative, it made me shut down and become withdrawn.I struggled with communication for a very long time.  You couldn't pay me any amount of money to say two words to people if it was not required but I was never unkind, just quiet and curious.  

As an adult, I still struggle with being able to express my thoughts and feelings.  My journey continues but I'm am grateful because sharing, writing and blogging has allowed my thoughts and voice to be heard.  It has exposed my inner big mouth which had a need to be set free.  It has inspired others.

Truth be told, in person, unless you take the time to get to know me, I'm pretty quiet. We all come into this world pure but this world does taint, mold, shake and damn near try to just break us down.  During all of our experiences, we will discover who we really are, based on how we handle and overcome each of our obstacles in life.  

We never know what lessons life will toss us into but I do know that it begins at birth.  It begins with the family you are born into, the environment you are exposed to, the guidance, education, love, nurturing and support or the lack of all of those things that you receive. 

Who you become in this world, is not based on what happens to you, as much as it is based on how you learn and apply life lessons.  Some people life lessons do become their blessings in life because they understand each lesson.  They pay attention to the signs in life and know things happen for a reason.  

Others who don't think or examine their lives tend to stay stuck in their struggles.  They can't seem to wrap their minds around the fact that they went through hard times, why certain things keep happening to them or why they just don't know how solve all of their problems.  They don't know how to get the lessons and apply it to life.  

People struggle because it will take work, so if you don't have a strong desire to learn, grow and win in life you will struggle.  You need tremendous desire to succeed in every area of your life.  If one human being can succeed in this world, why can't you???  First you have to define success.  I say that because my definition of success may be very different that another person's mindset.  Make sure that what works best in your life is actually working and that you put in the work.

I'm not living for the world and what is outside of me because I'm do busy discovering what is inside of me.  I'm getting to KNOW THY SELF!  In doing so, it has helped me overcome personal struggles with communication and being open to others.  I know that I'm too kind and I can be taken advantage of so I keep a safe distance from people.  

I put myself out there but I'm wiser. One of my life lessons was to manage people as they enter and leave my life without losing the best part of who I am.  It taught me to continue to be loving, kind, sincere and genuine but to also set boundaries and be very clear about the lines that I've drawn.  

Learning all of that actually taught me how to love people more, be vulnerable by trusting myself to correctly handle any situation that may come my way.  Now I am getting so much better at just being more open and communicating with love, while balancing out that side of me that will shut down or shut people out of my life.  Balance is key!

I've learned that it's so simply just to communicate with love.  Doing things with love is a recipe for healing and an opportunity to clear up things that you don't understand.  By working on myself, not only did I discover my purpose but it allowed positive people to be drawn to me so I can learn more.  

When I woke up this morning, I gave thanks for all of those people that crossed my path in passing and those that are still along for the ride during this journey that I'm on.  Every person serves a purpose and pushed me closer to my purpose.  I gained more growth, knowledge, wisdom and understanding which has brought me one step closer to being balanced and whole.


Tuesday, March 26, 2013


MARRIAGE IS A CONTRACT, so what you agree to contractually, you must make good on or you will have some problems. You cannot break your contract and expect emotions to reseal your deal. Somebody is going to expect you to live up what was agreed upon.

Love is a contract, relationship is a contract and so is marriage.  One contract or agreement leads to the another.  Everybody wants to be married but not everybody is realistic about the fact that you are in agreement and obligated to make good on your contract. It's not a joke and its not a game. Relationships are for you to practice how to uphold your marital contract. 

If you can't maintain healthy happy relationships how do you think you are going to manage your marriage? LOVE is a feeling and we all catch feelings but love don't make a relationship and love won't manage a marriage. 

You have to put in the work required for relationships to be successful so you can prove yourself worthy of upholding your marital contract. Too many weak minded people jumping into love, relationships and marriage as if it's a trend or to fill that empty void in their lives. 

They assume they are worthy instead you working on their worth BEFORE they fall in love, get into relationships and jump into marriage.  You have to let go of that illusion you create in your mind based on being a follower.  KNOW THY SELF.  Ask yourself questions so that you can be very clear about why you are making the choices you make.

What does love mean to you?  Are you in the kind of love you believe to be an authentic love or are you just going with the flow of things?  There is a difference, just going with the flow if you  are not experienced and wise in love, relationships and marriage will make you fall into a situation that could  change your life forever.

You can't expect anybody to sacrifice a part of themselves when you are not capable of sacrificing for yourself.  What are you willing to sacrifice?  Love, relationships and marriage is sacrifice!

You have to be wise and think things through before choosing to make certain decisions in life. You must pay attention as you live and learn people.


Monday, March 25, 2013


"Life will only love you as much 
as you love yourself." -Bindu 
Believe it or not............this is my daily wish for so many people that I clearly see pretending on Facebook.  I never liked that saying, "FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT".  What for???  That will only destroy your soul from within.  Your life is about living your truth so you can restore balance and be whole.  

My life is not at all perfect but my life has had many beyond perfect moments that filled me up with tremendous joy and love.  My highs are through the roof and out of this world and my lows feel like daggers that are constantly piercing through my heart when it's heavy.  If you follow my writings then you know that I like to feel all the way. 

Getting into my emotions is the gateway to understanding my feelings about the things that I am going through or that has happened to me in life.  I absolutely cannot figure out what's going on or uncover my truth by pretending. 

If it's pain I'm feeling then let me bleed truth so I can learn my life lessons.  If it breaks me down then I will build myself right back up, wiser and a stronger force like never before.  

My love is a toxic high that creates a beautiful bliss in my life so I have no doubt that life will never keep me down.  Do I stumble? YES!  Do I fall?  All the time!  But I'm a beautiful force willing to shine knowing this life is mine to win.  I'm far too focused on my personal and spiritual growth so I don't have time to waste by pretending on or off Facebook.  Nobody should!

If I'm not happy, I'm not raising glasses and making toasts to the good life knowing I'm unhappy.  I need to get my life in order first!  If I'm not happy, I need to get to the bottom of things and find my joy.  I need to deal with my problems head on.  You can't place a mask over what you don't want to deal with because your problems will only show up bigger and even worse than before.   Trust and believe that some way or some how your problems will find a way to expose itself in your life.

My life is about me, not anybody else so that means I have to be right within my soul all of the time.  When my friends ask me what's wrong, I tell them straight up!  When my family ask if I'm okay, I say "hell no I'm not okay"!  
If I don't feel right, I will just shut down completely, mind, body, heart, spirit and soul. 

My soul won't allow me to act as if my life is awesome when I know it is not. My life has to be right and I'm willing to do the work it takes to get it right! For me that means CHANGE MUST TAKE PLACE which means it's time for me to be the game changer in my life.  

This is why I can't understand why anybody would pour their precious time and energy into pretending that they are living a happy life on twitter, Instagram or Facebook.  I don't even want pieces of a happy life.  Nope!  I want the whole damn thing!!! Either you are truly happy or you're not happy.  It's that simple.  I'm not half assing on my happiness for Facebook or nobody because I know I deserve joy.  

I earned it in life so give me mine.  You're not fooling anybody and you can try to lie to the world but I know your mind, spirit, heart and soul is restless as you struggle with masking your truth.  Life will only love you as much as you love yourself.  

When you surround yourself with genuine people who are truly for you, Facebook and the world won't mean a thing.  Get your life right so your Facebook life can match your REAL life!  Your soul is waiting for you to keep it real with yourself.  *TRUTH*

Saturday, March 23, 2013


I love my child!  I love to watch him as he explores life.  I love his appreciation for the beauty of nature and life.  I love the instant gratification he receives from simple things like raindrops falling on his face.  I love to see his soul express his love for laughter.  I find it healing to my own spirit and soul.  He is pure joy and just filled with so much hope consumed by love.  He has learned exactly what unconditional love is.
You can tell the true nature of the parent by learning the true nature of the child.  You can tell if a parent is hands on, hands off or limits the amount of quality time, pure love and genuine affection, just by learning their child.  My investment is my child. Why? because children are priceless and are the most valuable treasures we have.  
I invest all of my time, energy, love, care, support and everything else into his well being. Whatever you put into your child, no matter how lost they seem to get in life, they will always go back to their true nature because that is all they really know inside.  If you fill them up with love first, they will end with love last.  You have to get that unconditional love and bonding into their hearts directly from the womb or as soon as you possibly can.  
Usually by age 5, whatever you've exposed them to or neglected to instill into them, will determine how they develop.  Expose them to love and joy!! They are who they are but they take with them all of the love you give early on.  Never emotionally abandon your child. Parents do this in so many ways and can't grasp the fact that it is neglect. 
Too many parents try to balance other people, places and things with their children's quality time.  Too many parents give quantity time with zero meaningful moments.  Being around your child and having them do things or activities is very different from learning your child so you are in tuned to who they are as individuals.  
Children come into your lives to teach you something so if you are around, related to or work with children, you are a parent as well as a student.  Adults are quick to convince themselves that they are teaching children, but life has taught me that children are teaching us.  The most important lesson that my child has taught me is LOVE!!!!

Friday, March 22, 2013


LIFE IS HUGE!!! When I was a kid I use to think that life was really big, but I had no clue just how big.  When you decide to open your mind to learn people and learn life not just through your eyes but through the eyes of the world, life will amaze you a trillion times over. You will be inspired to explore your own personal growth.

For me the best part of this experience called life is personal spiritual growth. Growth means learning knowledge to gain wisdom over time, which will give you the strength you need to cope with all of the experiences you will have on earth.  You grow from goodness  into greatness by remembering all of the lessons you have learned so you can grow from it.  Growth is so important!

Personal growth within every aspect of your life can only come from deep soul searching.  Most times it comes from pain, heartache and personal struggles. You have to celebrate your life but you must also examine your life in order to grow and have balance.  Whatever has been broken in your life, is basically a challenge for you to heal it so you can become whole again.  Wholeness and balance is key to having growth. 

We all need balance in our lives.  Some of us desire it and others are forced to seek it because they have been through so much struggle, pain, pressure, anxiety and stress throughout their lives.  I've learned that bad things will happen to the some of the best people on the planet.  People don't always get to choose their experiences or life lessons. 

As I watch life play out in this world, I notice how caught up we get. We tend to get too caught up or trapped in all of the madness until we choose to make a change.  When people choose change for some reason they focus on what is on the outside first.  It seems that most people usually tend to work hard to get their MATERIALISTIC/EXTERNAL self in order and wonder why the scales of their lives are so unbalanced.  Then they feel something is off and start to get their PHYSICAL/EXTERNAL self in order but wonder why the scales of their life still seems so unbalanced.

Then they think, well maybe if they feed their head things will balance out, so they focus on EDUCATION/EXTERNAL self in order.  Some may even go seek counseling or some form of therapy to help their MENTAL/EMOTIONAL self, yet still they wonder why the scales of their lives to be way off balance.  

I can tell you first hand from personal experience that the first and foremost part of growth to start with should be SPIRITUAL.  If it is balance that you seek in this world, you must feed your soul, so your spirit can grow.  When your spirit and soul begins the process of healing then you will begin to create balance within your life.  We are all one but we are all diverse and so unique in what kind of spiritual grow will heal us.  

You must let your soul guide you so you can find the answers for the spiritual part of your journey.  Growth can be messy, ugly, painful and such a struggle so don't try to be perfect.  Embrace your imperfections every single day.

Perfection is not an option because we need life experience to grow.  

People will chase all of the wrong things first to learn the life lessons they need to just discover all of the right things that will give them growth.  If we knew all of the answers to our questions we would have no need to experience life. If we didn't experience life our way, we would have no journey or path to teach us life lessons.  

You must be open to growing at each stage of your life.  Be open to your struggles, learn the life lessons from them and take each lesson with you so you can apply it to your future.  Life is about embracing your personal truth.  You personal truth is your good, your bad and your very ugly side.  

This can only be done with a strong desire for personal growth.  Learn to love yourself enough to be fearless in life.  The more you love yourself the more you will have a strong desire for growth!

Wednesday, March 20, 2013


People do themselves such a disservice when they do not think deeply and begin to look at their life as a journey filled with experiences that they must learn lessons from.  Too many people live life carelessly without giving their thoughts, actions, decisions and choices much thought.

It is as if they have all of the time in this world to keep screwing up, because they can make up for it at a later time.  That is foolish thinking, because the truth is that we are all here for a limited time. What you think, do and learn with your time truly matters. We should all keep in mind that there is an expiration date for everyone.  

I'm sure it is by design that nobody has a clue of when their expiration date or when they will transition to the afterlife.  It's not stamped directly on each of our foreheads because most of us would act a fool until the day before death, to get our life in order.

People tend to procrastinate when they know exactly how much time they have left.  Since we don't know the day or hour we will pass, we really do not have time to waste on our life lessons and experiences.  Some experiences will catch us by surprise, some we will be born into, forced into or choose to go through.  We can't avoid lessons that are meant for us to learn but we can avoid repeating them by learning the first time.

We have to learn sooner and be very wise with the life experiences we choose.    The universe knows every single thing that we are supposed to learn and experience on our journey. This is why people say "EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON".  You may not always like the reasons, but you must learn the lessons from it.

You have to learn how to move by faith and not by sight. Trust your struggle. Trust your joy. Trust the path you've been placed on so you can learn your life lessons.  Learning your lesson will guide you towards a better path in life. All of your relationships with everyone is VERY important. You have to go through the bad to gain some clarity and completely understand the good. 

When life is easy and everything works out great, people don't appreciate life as much, because things came too easy, but struggle, heartache and pain will teach you how to appreciate life.  There are millions of life lessons to learn.  I can't imagine learning all of them in a lifetime.  Maybe this is why people say we have past lives.  It's way too much life to live and learn in one lifetime so be wise with your time.

When you lose people, friendships, family, relationships and go through some things, you begin to pay attention to your life. Only then do you consider doing good, being right within and learning your lessons. You will have to experience many things with many people but the life lesson you must learn first is that your journey is about you.  Use your time wisely.

Do not compete or focus on others, just learn what it is about you that has kept you stuck in your lessons or what will help you grow during your journey.
Living your life to the fullest while you learn your lessons, is to understand that YOU DON'T HAVE TIME! Live and love your life your way and do it now.

Sunday, March 17, 2013


Former gang associated… Almost took my life and freedom away. But God had a different plan in which that moment in my life was just the “wake up” call. Now I’m a “true” Christian advocate. I have a mean testimony…lol
After getting out of jail, finding a job that would look past my faults and see that my skill(s) were more important. I prayed daily, nightly, and all in between.  I never gave up.  Took whatever came my way and worked super hard at it. Recently I just celebrated a full year with my current employer….first time in 6-7 yrs. God is AWESOME!!!
I’m a born singer/songwriter. It’s the gift that was embedded in me before conception in my mother’s womb. Music is my medicine. It gets me through the hard and soft times in life. It is my dream to be able to share my music, PERSONALLY (on stage), with the world.
Music! Any kind, all genres….doesn’t matter. I am a complete fan of the art. God made it that way and I’m forever thankful!

My kids (Tatiana & Laila)…. 

They inspire me to continue striving to be the best I can be in all situations, circumstances, dreams, reality… life. Every parent wants what’s “best” for their children. I want to SHOW them how to go for it and never stop. I believe that doing that IS the “best” for them. That way if/when they have children they can do the same. 
Fatherhood is guidance, protection, caring, love....fatherhood is more than I could ever explain. So what sums it all up, to me….Fatherhood is AGAPE love….unconditional!

Friendships come and go....

 I’ve lost a lot of people that I called/thought were friends. Some I miss, some I don’t. My circle is still being correctly formed… I’m on the right path now.
It’s not mine to have, 
but it’s mine to live..

Strength & Honor….

 My children being born. Watching them move, open their eyes, cry, scream (lol)…all for the first time. Cutting the umbilical cord… Holding them for the first time. Those are memories I hope to NEVER forget.


Mi familia!!!! No matter what happens….(that’s just it)


You’re gonna be tested….you’re gonna be tried. But you WILL make it through! Keep God 1st and the rest will fall in line… Be patient!

Life isn’t fair (so cliché, but so true). Sometimes you’re gonna have to fight, while other times you can sit back and relax. But you will ALWAYS have to work, and ALWAYS have faith. They go hand in hand. One without the other DOES NOT work….EVER!
Yea, that I can actually do it and do it really well. I was never the “front man” but only because I allowed others to push me to the back. Once I pushed my way back up front I stayed there. I haven’t looked back since. Now I only go to the back when I want…lol
Of course I do…lol. It speaks volumes that only the soul can hear at times. Song, whether lyrical or instrumental seem to just have ….no, they DO have a lot of emotion in them because that is what the artist or musician that made it put into it. Music comes from the soul. So it’s only right that it understands it best.

Be a TRAILsetter!!! “Don’t follow where the path may lead… Instead go where there is no path and leave a trail!”I’m a TRAILsetter….Are you?!?!

Lost & Found…. For so long I never knew who OSCAR was. I went through many name changes, nicknames, etc….trying to become someone else. Thank God for guiding me to FIND myself. I am who I had been looking for all those years. Like I said earlier, I pushed MYSELF up front and I’m here to stay. 
A lover & a fighter…. A dreamer and a reality maker…..A thinker and a do’er… I’m the “best of both worlds”