Thursday, January 31, 2013


Yes people, I am a "WOMAN OF STRENGTH".  I am strong because I have to be, not because I choose to be.  Most times you just have no choice but to be strong.  There is clearly a huge difference.  Now, I don't need to be a "Damsel in Distress", but I sure as heck am not trying to be the strong one for everybody until I'm worn out and run down.  Not gonna happen over here. 

Seriously who is that much of a beast that they are just so strong all of the time, by choice.  Please introduce me to that superhero!  They want to take all of the hits, beatings, trials, obstacles and struggles that life will toss them, then make time to save everybody else, ALL OF THE TIME?  *GTFOH*  That's a lie!  Please, never tell yourself that ugly lie.

Hey, this is how I truly feel.  Please do not praise me like I'm the strongest.  I need you to pay attention to me, so you can pick me up when I'm down.  What exactly is the point of keeping so many people in your  circle, around you or a part of your life, if all they do is see you as THE STRONG ONE?  Nah, I'm into teamwork so that won't work.  

That's why I say to people don't feel free to go claiming me as family or a friend unless you're up for the task, cause it's work! You're gonna help me out as needed, so get to supporting asap!  That "STRONG ONE" mindset is not a good look at all.  Who really wants to be the strong one with no relief?  What kind of crazy pressure are people putting on themselves?  Is life not so stressful or hard enough?  Do people really want that title too??? 

"The worst part about being strong is that no one ever ask if you're okay."
Hmmmmmmm.......Once again we struggle with our personal truth. Why are so called *strong* people waiting for anyone to ask if they are okay? I'm KING KONG strong without a doubt and I have no problem at all crying when I'm hurting. I have no problem asking for help or support when I'm going through hard times. I have no problem with moments of weakness because I know it is only temporary. 

It makes absolutely no sense to hold everyone down and not call on others to hold you up when you need somebody to uplift you or carry your load. Somebody is gonna come to my rescue cause this women of strength could use a break. WE ALL CAN! 

Tell people how you feel and let them know when you are sick and tired of being the strong one. There is no way that any person is strong all of the time. Keep pretending and people will assume you do not need their help or support. 

Don't act like you got this when you are on the verge of crumbling inside.  Being strong is being honest with yourself to say I'm done. I'm tired. I can't do this by myself. I can't go on like this any longer.  Being strong is having the right kind of support system in place so you don't have to carry any load when you get too weary.  

I'm strong when I have to be and I'm weak as hell when I can't take the stress of life anymore.  I'm also great at healing what hurts, moving on to the next experience and bouncing back when it's all good.  That's life, it is a balancing act and being the strong one 24 hours and 7 days a week is not living a spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally balanced life. 


Wednesday, January 30, 2013


I cannot stress the importance of discovering and learning how to be a loving and affectionate person.  I use to be one of those people that said IT'S SO NATURAL!!  Now I know better.  People cannot give what they never had.  

If nobody gave you, showed you or from birth instilled unconditional love and affection into you, then you may not know how to be a truly loving and affectionate soul.  If somebody hurt, abused and mistreated you then that may be what you know or that may be why you don't show love and affection so easily.

Depending on your experiences in life, you may not understand how very important that pure form of human contact really it.  It feels amazing to give and receive real love and affection. It is even more important if you are in a relationship and crucial if you are a parent.  Love and affection is healing. 

Love and affection of one of the most deepest forms of communication.  It allows us to communicate, teach and learn what it means to be unconditionally loved.  I use the term love because that seems to be what many people are seeking out.  People chase money, power, fame, attention, sex, etc......but truth be told they are lacking something divine that they are not aware is within themselves.  
People look at me crazy when I tell them to look within themselves for all of the answers to their questions, but the truth is, who knows you or who is capable of getting to know the real you better than you.  

You can tell people who you are or show a side of yourself that you feel comfortable sharing but you know the real you.  Self discovery and self love will lead you directly towards love and affection.  I was blessed to have been born into unconditional love.  

Everybody speaks about a mother's love and sacrifice but to this day my mother just blows me away with the amount of love and affection she has towards this cold and cruel ass world.  

She loves people like she gave birth to them and she lives to love her children unconditionally.  Just being exposed to that kind of unconditional love and affection will give you a confidence that you can't imagine.  

You can be intelligent, strong, powerful and still loving and affectionate.  That energy is truly uplifting and the world does not have balance without it.  We survive all of the hurt and hate because we give our love and affection to the world.  

If you can't be anything in this world at the very love and affection. 


Monday, January 28, 2013


One of the many lessons that life has taught me, is that the things that I assume are free, will cost me dearly!!! There actually is a heavy price to pay for all things. Kindness is no longer free, it use to be but not anymore.

People want you to repay their kindness or they will abuse yours. Caring comes at a cost because people expect something in return or will use up yours so it is no longer free. Generosity has a heavy price tag and we can barely afford it. 

Sincerity, compassion, trust, forgiveness and pureness is completely out of our price range. We will pay dearly when we offer it to the wrong people who are not accustomed to these gifts. They will somehow abuse it in some way. 

It may be intentional or unintentional, but certain people are unable to fully understand how valuable these treasures are, until they abuse or lose it. This is a major life lesson. When you know you have a pure loving open heart, be careful who you give it to.

Everybody is not ready to fully care for it. Just like everybody cannot recognize their own greatness, they cannot receive other people's goodness. They just don't know how. Take nothing for granted. Respect what you've been blessed with. 

Love freely and unconditionally, with a whole heart so you do not bind your blessings or block somebody's blessings. Doing anything halfheartedly without true peace in you mind, heart, spirit and soul will never serve you well. 

Joy will always escape you until you do right by others. Doing right by others on your terms only is not the same as doing right by others for peace sake. 


Saturday, January 26, 2013


I've struggled with what to write for a few days.  I usually have only to set my mind and write, but being that January 9th is Wednesday, my mind is on one thing. MY FATHER.....

As far back as I can remember my dad was my hero. He was in and out of work while my mom put a career in with Verizon, Bell at the time. I was with him and his friends all day long.  

One thing that sticks out about my childhood in BK (Brooklyn, NY) was he had tons of friends and when they came over I had to stay in my room. Then after about an hour or so the pungent aroma of Marijuana would waft through the house. We moved to Staten Island from Brooklyn in October of 1980. I remember my dad hating it. 
He quickly developed a huge following again. We had a 3 bedroom apartment in the original Markham Homes. My bedroom being on the 1st floor of the apartment. I wondered early on why my dad put a latch and hook style lock on the outside of my door. I would find out soon enough. 

I was a problem student in 2nd and and the start of 3rd grade in Brooklyn. My parents never found out because mostly everyone in my BK school was. My first day of 3rd grade at my new SI school, my dad walked me to the school yard and left. I cried, I was so scared.

My dad still smoked his marijuana openly. When he lit his joints he would let me blow out the little flame on the tip. I thought he was so cool. He eventually bought a car and got an overnight job doing security. He would get off work around 8 am and make daily trips to Brooklyn. Sometimes more than one, with different people.
One day, I stayed home from school. All I had to do was ask and he would say "do you have anything important?". When I asked to stay home I would I never did have anything important in school so he would grant my wish. 

He had about 3 or 4 friends show up. I was told to go in my room and I did.  When I wanted to leave my room I noticed I was locked in my room. When he finally opened my door I was part angry and part suspicious. 

He never locked me in my room when his friends came over. Not that I KNEW of. Anyway, my school antics continued on SI. After getting our first report card, I had 15 Us on it. At that time that's how we were graded. 

U meaning Unsatisfactory.  There were a couple Fs too I was proud of. So proud, I told my parents they stood for FAIR. Needless to say, my dad, the disciplinarian, took that THIN belt to my ass. 
Next thing I know, Catholic School. I quickly straightened up. There were a couple neighborhood kids who went to school with me. It wasn't bad actually. Smaller classes. One class per grade and the teachers were great. 

The Principal ruled with a metal ruler, literally. My dad was locking me in my room with more frequency. His friends would call and come over all hours of the day, but come 5:30 pm they would stop. 

My brother would arrive home from his school in BK and my mom would get home from work soon after. She would be gone 13 hours a day. Its like I lived in two different worlds. 

I did my "asking to stay home thing" one day in 5th grade. This day my dad and I took a ride to Bay Ridge Brooklyn. He left me in the car for about a half hour alone. We rode back home. I went in my room. After about 20 minutes I could hear my dad calling me from his upstairs bedroom. 

I ran upstairs because it sounded like a painful cry almost. When I get there I notice my dad, laying in bed fully dressed, pale and sickly looking. He told me distinctly, "go get Mr. Dennis and tell him I od'd". At the time I wasn't sure what that meant, but I ran like a madman. 

He was still my hero, so I did as I was told. I knocked and knocked until Mr. Dennis popped his head out the window. He said, "lil Johnny, what you want?". I relayed my dad's message word for word. Next thing I know Mr. Dennis is busting out his door as we ran back to my apartment. 

I remember he put my dad in a cold shower fully dressed. Told me to get ice trays. Watched as he emptied 2 full trays into my dad's underwear. He was unresponsive. Gurgling. Finally Dennis got him on his feet. Walked him around the house and my dad slowly regained consciousness. I was 10, but remember it like yesterday. 

My dad was a dope fiend and this was the first time I saved his life. But not the last. He moved a little more freely now that I somewhat knew what he really was. I wasn't totally ashamed, but his image was stained. From this moment on though I slowly lost respect and trust for him. He pulled up to one of his buddies on the street and I recall him asking, with not hesitation, "let me get 2 Cs and 2 Ds. Me still naive to the drug lingo thought he was buying batteries. 

I noticed dude get in the car and engage my dad in a negotiation. He only paid for his Cs, but the guy came home with us. I heard them talking as I was locked in my room. My dad earned a free bag of heroin in exchange for injecting his buddy with his own bag. On top of heroin, my dad frequently used cocaine as well as marijuana. 

Then I found out the reason for his popularity was because he was known as a "30 dollar hitter". He was skilled with needles and could make a 10 dollar bag of heroin generate the high of 3 bags. This talent would earn him free heroin. They had no problem buying him a bag. This would take place everyday, 3 or 4 times a day.  He eventually lost his security job. 

We noticed things start to come up missing. Mostly loose cash and my mom's jewelry. Mom had some nice jewelry too. One day, I came in maybe 10 minutes after my curfew. I was welcomed in the house with a punch in the face. A bit much for an 11 year old. 

That coupled with the infamous thin belt sent me to a dark place. I felt totally different about him. He was no longer my hero. He lost the last bit of respect I had for him. I turned to the street.I always enjoyed time out with my friends, but it grew a lot longer given my home situation. Its crazy because kids can be cruel sometimes. 

Especially when "snapping". I had no idea my friends knew my father's habits. The only thing that saved me was becoming a better "snapper". One of the few things my dad taught me was how to fight. 

So those two things helped me a lot. I began smoking cigarettes and sneaking beer. At that age it was quarts of Private Stock. Eventually, by 13 I moved on to Marijuana. I was also heavy into sports. Being that my dad loved baseball, I played football. 

If I played 1000 games my entire life, he maybe came to 4. My brother and High School coaches became father figures. My brother saw I was heading for trouble. He and my dad had a fight themselves and I eventually lost his guidance because he moved out. At 14 I started as a look out. 

I would warn my friends who were maybe a year or so older when the police were coming. Sometimes holding drugs when they left the scene. Then eventually selling myself. Learning how to cook cocaine into crack expertly. I also started to refer to my dad as Big John.

No more dad from me. He was relegated to being my friend only. I took no orders or directions from him. Me being me I never hid anything from my dad. Through High School I paid for my own clothes and sneakers. I knew my mom paid everything on her own. So I wouldn't hit her up for anything. 

Eventually my dad landed another job as the janitor at Goodhue. He also got jobs for me and a few friends too. So I got a taste of hustling and working simultaneously. Life was sweet. Eventually I began to read books about heroin and the addictive power of it. 

I started to understand my dad a lot better. Renewing a respect and almost responsibility for him. Stealing ultimately cost him his job and my Part-Time Job as well. My nights in the streets grew longer, my weed habit picked up and so did my finances. I also had success in HS sports. 

Earning an academic scholarship and athletic grants to attend CW Post LIU.

The football coach there would be the reason I gave up college football. He took the fun out of it for me. He even had the audacity to tell me, "you play football to go to school son". I was offended. I told him, "I'm here on my own merits, academic money I earned". 

I eventually played in intramural games with the soul intention of making the football team take notice of what they lost. I succeeded there too.   One particular game in the snow, I made the entire football team look like Pop Warner players. Afterward, the coaches would approach me and try to talk me into coming back. 

No need to mention I took pride in laughing at them. Not as long as coach Marshall is still here. My attention turned to being the school weed dealer. I also had a work study job as party security. I landed my brother's mobile dj business the weekend party gig. So it was pretty sweet.
I came home after the first year and fell in love. I also stayed with a job. This one, a Summer job working with Nynex now Verizon. It was good money. One day, I stayed home from work, sick. I spent all day in my room. No one checked on me, brought me water, anything. I called my girlfriend. 

She took a cab to the house, but wind up calling me. I asked what happened, I thought you were coming? She said, "I did, your mom told me you couldn't have any company". I lost my mind.  I went on in detail about how I felt they left me to die in my room. My dad, ran up on me because he felt I was yelling at my mother. 

I was scared and it all happened too fast. I found myself repeatedly punching my father about the head and face. It all came to a halt when I realized my mom was in between us. I called my sister. She is the oldest. Older than me by 17 years. I told her what happened. She wasn't a fan of my dad, but he was only MY dad. 
So she tolerated him for my mom's sake. She came in, came to my room and checked me. She asked, "Johnny, what did you hit him with?". I said "my hands". She said "he is fucked up". Now I was really scared. She went on to let them both know I was really sick. I had a 102 degree fever. My mom felt bad. 

My dad was understandably angry. He just got his ass kicked by his 18 year old son. It was bound to happen. Tired of the beatings, stealing, and never coming first since day one.  My relationship with my father changed to a certain degree. The beatings stopped. But not much else. He found a new respect for me though. 

I don't know if it was fear or actual respect. I began to have live in girlfriends. As long as they contributed to the house, it was ok. Mom was about to retire, but she would soon start a career teaching for a company across the country. My dad was like a kid whose parents left him home while they went on vacation.
One night I slept at my girlfriend's house at that time. She was actually my first love and would later have my first born. I got a call from my dad, well a "Beep". That was the Beeper age still. I returned his call. He sounded terrible. 
He told me he thought he was having a heart attack and fell. I ran home. It was actually about 2 and a half blocks away. 

I got in to find my dad in the hallway unresponsive. He was blue in the face and gurgling with a white foam coming from his mouth. I called 911 and told them what was happening. I cleaned his mouth and performed CPR on him. His color changed and he was breathing. I then did a quick clean in the bathroom. 

He had an empty bag of heroin floating in the toilet and his bag of "works" in plain sight. I put his bag away. Actually I hid it from him. But I saw something inside that made my blood boil. The same thin leather belt he used to beat my brother and I was the belt he used to "tie off". Instead of the rubber tube they use in doctor offices and hospitals, heroin addicts use belts sometimes.

Ems arrived with the police. They revived him and took him to the hospital. He stayed for about 3 days. Come to find out he had a minor heart attack from his overdose. He always had an irregular heart beat and as I read, heroin addicts come close to death every time they "shoot-up". You would hear about someone od-ing off someone's product and they would flood this particular dealer. The allure of heroin.
See, I don't know if I told you... my dad started snorting heroin at 13 years old. He skin popped at 15, which is injected it anywhere, but only into his skin. Then he main lined at 17. Main lining is injecting it into a major vein or artery.
My dad, being the "30 dollar hitter" he was known throughout the island. 

As our relationship slowly repaired itself and as my involvement in selling all kinds of street drugs grew, he shared a lot of useful and old stories. I read so many drug novels I knew he was telling the truth. How he would have women strip so he could inject them in their veins near the vaginas. 

Women didn't like visible tracks unless they were hardcore addicts. How he would inject "friends" in their jugular veins because they had so many abcesses and collapsed veins that was the only place they could hit. And him being who he was who better to do it?
I was home asleep one morning after being out all night hustling, then seeing my newborn son, Alyjah was born in 96. I heard a crash that woke me. I opened my bedroom door to find my dad. He fell and hit his face on the sink. Badly bruised and bleeding. I was fed up. I saw the empty heroin bag in the toilet. Called 911 again and he went to the ER again.

When he came home we had a serious discussion. I told him that for all the wrong he has done to my mother and I, I had an idea how he can make it right. I always felt my dad wanted to die... that and I nor my mother ever came first to him. That "Boy" (slang for heroin) did. So I told him... you know how you can make things right with me, because you can't fix what you already broke. 

The street had a tight grasp on me. I said "love my son like you never loved me". "And from this day on, be a husband to my mother, she needs you here, to do things a husband is supposed to do". "If not, I'll kill you myself". I've never seen my dad so serious. I told him how I shouldn't have seen what I saw as a child. 

How I remembered at 3 years old how he was fiending and how I was crying in the subway station when we lived in Brooklyn and how I remember how he raised me over his head when the train was coming in. See, I was almost lost at 3. 

He had a moment of clarity during his need for a fix that made him pull me down and hug me so tight. He cried when I told him this so vividly. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and didn't know how I could remember that. I told him "I have scars daddy". I hadn't called him that in years.

From that day on he still battled his addiction. With my help. He never shot up again. He went back to snorting. His following died off. Although he would help me here and there. I was a hustler and I would hustle whatever drug I could get a good deal on. Sometimes hustling everything at one time. But I mainly had heroin to keep him close. 
It wasn't really my hustle. But it kept him from straying. Maybe I was wrong, but I had my dad back for periods at a time. I never liked the heroin game. It brought a lower level of consumer to you. Me being the smart one, 25 years hustling with no record, I had to drop that one. Although when I saw a market I picked it up here and there I was never constant with THAT.
My dad and I grew a lot closer. He was my best friend. His habit died down. I kept him with a few dollars. I kept gas in his car too. Its funny how roles reverse. I felt like responsible. I was now the father of two children and one adult. But all his activities taught me how be the best father I could. 

I realized kids do what they see and we make it ok when they see us do it. So I was involved with drugs because my dad was. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. The sins of the father revisit the son. So I switched my game up. Although I had 2 jobs and a hustle, I glorified hustling. My kids were seeing more than they needed to see. 

I remember when I realized who my father was, how I lost respect for him. I didn't want my kids to go through anything my dad put me through. So my hustling days came to a halt. My using days came to a halt. My father days, well that's my life. I learned how to be a father by seeing my father not be a father. It was some reverse psychology, but it worked.

My father passed away on January 9th, 2009. He used heroin for 43 years. He was clean for the last month of his life. He fell down the stairs on December 4th, 2008. He broke 13 ribs. He lived, but never recovered. His blood began to clot internally while he bled out inside. He drank to stop himself from getting heroin sick. He lost weight and color. 

I told him one Tuesday, "dad, let's go to the hospital". He said, "no Papi, I'm tired, just don't cremate me". I was probably the only one who could have forced him to go, but he refused and I let him be. That Friday he died. He had went out the way he wanted to. He had bought Christmas gifts for all the kids and still had money in his bank account, which for him was never. 

He would get his check the 1st and by the 2nd he was broke. After being clean for a month he bought 2 bags of heroin... he used one the night before he died. Then when my mother left to go food shopping he used the other. The allure of heroin is when their heart almost stops, his heart stopped for good that afternoon. We miss you dad.




I urge everyone to turn off the television around you when looking for your hero.  Your everyday here is right in the mirror and right in front of your face.  You do not have to look very far to discover greatness.  

Look within yourself and within your life to discover all of the tragedies you have triumphed over to become greatness.  Only then will you notice that greatness has been right under your nose all along.  I have much respect for Juan Hernandez.  

It takes tremendous courage and strength to share your personal truth.  He is a hero to this children, family, friends and now perfect strangers who can step into his shoes and relate in some way.  
Juan Hernandez is most definitely the best combination of GREATNESS and TRUTH!!!!!!! -BINDU

Thursday, January 24, 2013


Your personal truth are your lessons & all of the experiences along the way that has brought you to where you are right now in life.  You should at the very least try to understand that your personal truth is not so much about what you've been through.  It is more about what you have truly learned & how you have figured out how the best ways to apply your lessons to create the life you desire right now as well as for your future.

We are always in the lessons that we need to learn in life.  Things don't just happen by coincidence.  Things are happening inside as well as outside of & around you for a specific reason.  Most people don't notice all of the signs that life has shown them.  Some people see the signs but blow it off as if it has no meaning or purpose in their lives.  

We need our lessons no matter how great, powerful, painless or painful.  We need them to learn & grow into the greatness that we are destined to become, but we have to grip it.  When we don't get a firm grip on the who, where, why & how, all while we are inside of our lessons then we miss the truth in it.  

We miss the reasons why things happen.  We miss each opportunity to make our lives more meaningful.  We miss out on healing, helping, learning & teaching so we can inspire others.  We miss our purpose for living through love with our personal truth.

People always look at television or read the papers to find images of great people, when the first place they should look for greatness is within themselves.  Anything outside of you is a reminder of who you can be & what you can achieve in life but you never have to look too far to discover greatness.  Your greatness lies within YOUR PERSONAL TRUTH!  

When you are open to your truth then your eyes will open to seeing your greatness. We are all powerful unless we choose to believe we are powerless.  I think people need to wake up hearing this message, go to bed hearing this message & hear these words all day every day!!!!  Everybody serves a specific purpose in this world.  

People keep telling themselves that they are not greatness in so many ways that they live out mediocre lives built on their fears or insecurities.  This is why people end up pouring out far too much of their energy into fame or looking up to or admiring SUPERSTARS.  That's nice because I do believe in showing love as well as giving people their props.  

Just keep in mind that you too are a SUPERSTAR.  You too have greatness within you but YOU MUST BELIEVE!!  While you're too caught up in the praise of others you miss out on discovering the greatness within you.  You need to understand that your greatness will need to be nurtured so you can shine!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013


The lesson from today's post is for each of us to peep our inner foulness that seeps out during those dark moments of weakness and insecurity.  We need to shine some light on it.  WHY????????? Because some things need to be said and I have no problem saying it.

I had to ponder over these thoughts for a while before I made the decision to express them.  WHY??? Because I like to make sure that I'm right.  I could be wrong and if I am then I will apologize and fall back,  but I'm not wrong so here we go.  *TRUTH*

If I didn't feel strongly about what I am about to say, then I would not waste my blog time or precious energy by putting it out there.  I'm fully aware that once it's said, I can't take it back.  My intention is to put it out there, leave it out there because I will not take it back.  

I've only been sharing sharing random thoughts, rants, as well as a very small part of my writing, blogging and pubic facebook page for a short time now.  While I'm grateful for the amazing and positive feedback that I've received from putting myself out there, I never do anything for attention or praise.

Things like that don't phase me because I've always had it.  It's not that serious to me.  I like raw realness from a sincere place combined with personal truth.  I appreciate the positive praise or attention but it doesn't make or break me.  I know exactly who I am.

With that said, I just happened to peep something that caught my attention right away and was a bit odd to me.  I have strong supporters on my facebook page 

What I noticed is that some of the people, specifically women go out of their way to intentionally not support other women. *STRAIGHT FOULNESS*

I did a feature on the sweet and truly beautiful Julian Rita Addo.  She did an AMAZING job sharing a great deal of wisdom and life lessons.  Something a lot of people don't have the balls to do.  It was a great read and many became touched and inspired by her.  

I know it took courage and fearlessness for her to do this, which made me respect her even more.  I have to speak my peace and get this off of my chest.  One thing I'm never confused about is spotting foulness or grasping  the meaning of REAL SISTERHOOD!

I must it admit that it bothered me how some women can say how great I am and how they love my blog and all this SISTERHOOD talk, but clearly they deliberately did not click "LIKE" or "COMMENT" on Rita's feature, just to go out of their way to NOT show any love or support to another woman who I don't think but I know for a fact is GREATNESS.   Rita is truly amazing.

If you are a woman then you need to be encouraged and shown support.  I could care less if you're a housewife, stripper, a church girl, highly educated, a high school dropout, single mother or married with a million dollars in the bank.  It does not matter because WE NEED EACH OTHER TO SURVIVE!!!  I don't pick or choose who to treat like a sister, because nobody is better than the next person.  WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL!!!!  

Now mind you, a lot of people showed a tremendous amount of love and sincere support which I expected because like I said... Julian Rita Addo is the TRUTH!  Who I'm speaking about, are specific women who know both Rita and myself on and off facebook.  They know our character and can confirm without a doubt that we are the real deal cause we don't have time to play no games.  

I'm putting it out there and I'm not biting my tongue, because it's foulness.  I'm not going to say well it could be this or maybe it's that, nah it's straight hate!  They stayed off my page for two days straight because that's how long I left the feature posted on purpose.  

All of a sudden first thing this morning they are all over my new posts.  That's foulness.  *I SEE U*  Don't talk to me about SISTERHOOD or GREATNESS when you are not genuine with all women because it is a complete turn off.  That is not right at all.  *TRUTH*

"Let’s Unleash our Glamorous Beauty and Power Together, Naturally.  I can be found on social networking sites all of the time. has links to all my activities." 

This sista earned everything she worked hard for.  She's good soul!!! JULIAN RITA ADDO is not only highly favored and truly blessed but it is well deserved. I wish her even bigger and better blessings. May they never end because I have no doubt that she will continue to bless others. 

She is a combination of compassion and greatness wrapped up within her beautiful truth. I could say so many wonderful things about what an amazing and inspiring soul she is, but instead I would just like to say "THANK YOU MY SISTA AND WELL DONE". 

She's the daughter, sister, wife, mother, friend and loved one you would love to have because she truly is God's design and a masterpiece to treasure always. I LOVE HER and her TRUTH!!!! 

With that said......Only you know what is truly inside of your heart or how you really feel towards other people.  I don't do or deal in foulness nor do I sit silently allowing other women to freely disrespect other women.  I pretty much see everything for what it is.  Things are never that complicated to figure out.
May I suggest you clean and clear your hearts out, because when I speak about loving each other, supporting one another and doing things from a pure place....I'M WALKING THAT WALK EVERY SINGLE DAY!  There is never a day that goes by that I don't give, offer, support or show love to somebody, even when I'm down or at my worst OR even after they've done me wrong.  

I always give or offer my best.  If your heart is not clean, I hope you peep that you have some of that foul envy DNA flowing in your veins and change how you treat people.  I never cosign on somebody liking or loving me but then they are nasty, rude, mean spirited, jealous and disrespectful to others.

FOUL IS FOUL!  There really is no way of sugarcoating your foulness.  I'm just putting it out there because it's not okay but women tend to PRETEND by not acknowledging their own foulness or their girlfriends foulness.  Those are the first ones to say "I keep it real", ummm yep, real stank and stenchy!  

I actually don't mess with people who I see are really slick with foul behavior.  I don't need you to love me while you're hating on others. We all know and see it for exactly what it is so let's call it out!


Sunday, January 20, 2013


Oh boy! It feels odd to talk about myself because I feel anyone can say whatever. And not many people feel like they are NOT "good"  or "great" people.  I can honestly say my heart is great and I possess the greatest attribute of all. Everything I do or say is deeply rooted in love, thus making me ALL great.
Corinthians 13:13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I think a lot of folks have everything that I have, but the one thing they don't have, is my heart.  I know you're like, of course you would say that about yourself.  But that fact can be validated by ANYONE that has ever come in contact with me on a personal level, intimate or friendship.  
I have a sincere humility, compassion and appreciation for life, God and people.  As I have gotten older, my compassion has increased.  I feel comfortable showing my vulnerabilities.  I no longer feel the need to "play tough" all the time. I always say, "I am a host of contradictions", many layers to peel back but all me.
I don't understand any limitations in life and that has really helped me to be successful. I am not the smartest, or hardest working person out there, but I have landed opportunities simply because I have balls, and I am unafraid to ask for it. Many people do themselves a disservice by not going for something or someone because they feel it's out of their league. I, on the other hand operate under the notion, "you never try, you'll never know". 
We have access to more resources than anytime in history with the Internet at our fingertips. I will never understand why there are things, folks want to know about, but don't want to expend the energy to do their homework. A lazy mind and attitude costs and will keep you back. Successful people wake up in the morning and make things happen. Not wait for them. I am a go getter and will NEVER stop.
Personal growth to me means staying open for change at all times and moving out of your comfort zone constantly. That's with anything including but not limited to love, job, living conditions, friends or family. As you move through life you come to realize many things do not stay the same and many people will come in and out of your life. If you want to reach the purpose God has for you, you have got to become comfortable with this fact. I love hard and give everything my all, that way I seldom have regrets. 
Instead I realize that God uses things and people to teach us lessons in life. It's a preparation for your destination. I get the lesson and keep it moving. I am always ready move, find a new job or do whatever I have to do to stay above water. 
I am NEVER too attached to anything and my happiness is not contingent upon material possessions. I always say I can NEVER fall. I can lose everything I have today, but I know I have acquired the wisdom and knowledge to gain it all back and more. Wisdom trumps education all day long!
Before I never knew my true value. I knew I was special but didn't know how much. I felt humble and if I thought too much of myself it was "tacky". Now? LOL! Well now is another story. I definitely know my worth and how special and anointed I am. 
Anyone worthy of my time will have to prove it because I come with so many intangibles that I thought was just "normal". Through my life's journey, I now know that I am certainly not normal. I am a commodity and take myself as such, while still displaying humility and kindness for all.
My most prized achievement has been the ability to love unconditionally after repeatedly getting my heart stomped on. For some reason I have not lost the ability or desire to love unconditionally.  I have learned that the only thing about building walls is that it does not just keep pain out, it blocks love from coming in too. Love is the therapy that soothes the burns of life. 
How can one allow God to be the Author and Finisher of their fate unless they place their own pen down and sacrifice to His will? When will we realize that controlling today could come at the expense of hurting our tomorrow? I am so ready to love again, I am just smarter and wiser now.
You have to be radical enough to step over your history and move into your destiny ~Julian Addo~
All I know is I know nothing. Life is my classroom, I must pay attention. God is my teacher, there is no failure.
My mother definitely motivates me each and every day to keep going. As she ages, I know I will need to be in a position to care for her financially and emotionally. That single fact keeps me from screwing up too deeply. She is what I strive to be like and what I strive to NOT be like all at the same time. I have opportunities and resources she did not have access to. 
On the other hand, my mom is the hardest working person I know. She is NEVER late to work. NEVER calls out and NEVER complains about working. She has BIG dreams and BIG goals and is naive about her limitations. She doesn't know what she can't do and thinks she can do it all. My mom has been able to live and maintain the American dream since we were kids.
We never needed welfare or handouts, not that there's anything wrong if you need the help. But she was hell bent on getting her own, and not waiting for someone else to give it to her.  We always made it even if we ate rice and butter, and went to bed.  
She doesn't make very much money, but pays all her bills on time and has money in the bank.  She taught me first hand how managing your finances at any level is the key. I love her spirit but always knew I would do better. God bless her heart. I do it for her, for her latter years. I must keep going farther, I have no ceiling.
Seldom do we see real love... it's such a commodity. When you run into a love giver you will always see a crowd. Love is attractive, it's sexy. 
If you don't see people drawn to you, clamoring around you, maybe it's because your well is dry. It's not enough that you have it, love only works when you give it. 
You have to be strong to love, to risk being hurt and keep giving it away. You have to be strong to put yourself on "front" street. You have to be strong enough to be you. LOVE is power, and not for the faint hearted...
People make it hard because we are all trying to find something in others we have not found within ourselves. I can honestly say I will continue to love and not allow life to make me hard. 


Family is family, they don't go no where. I think sometimes we feel it's OK for them to get away with more things because they hold a title. I use to. I love my family but there are some you have to love from a distance. 

I prefer to maintain close healthy relationships, even with folks who carry a title. I think if they are your family, the bar should be raised not lowered. 
Sometimes we treat strangers better than we treat our loved ones and that is no longer acceptable to me. I give out what I want to come back, and if it doesn't, then the relationship won't work, family or not.



Friendships are hard, I mean REAL friendships. I have been blessed with 2 or 3 of these so far in my life time. They take energy, time, money and resources to maintain. I'm not above anyone else but I caution who I allow in this realm.
Only because I know there is not enough of me to go around and I don't want to spread myself too thin. I want to maximize your benefit from our friendship and ensure that we continue to help each other grow. 
Keep your business and personal emotions separate. Many people do not understand this and they are their own worst enemies in a business.
You have to be comfortable with criticism and honest about your opportunity areas. Most people call them haters, but those folks can help you grow if only you stop being so sensitive.
A critic will look and point out your flaws. It doesn't mean you don't have good things going in your business. It just means you have an opportunity to challenge yourself to do better. 
Many times loved ones will not give it to us straight like a critic will. Being in business will definitely challenge who you think you are. Dealing with other's will mature you fast! LOL!!
Honestly, opportunities just fell on me. I was in the right place, at the right time kind of thing.  Something happened, that caused something else to happen.  It has been through misfortune and having to make tough life decisions, that led me to all of my greatest accomplishments so far. 
I left N.Y. to join my family in MN because I was broken hearted and lonely.  I didn't have anyone around that I felt loved me and some folks in Park Hill (SHAOLIN ISLAND), knew my light and made it their life's mission to dim it.  1998 was a rough year for me.  I started dating my ex-husband and was greeted with a lot of hate and ugly rumors that were untrue. I was unhappy so I decided to just leave. That was one of the BEST moves in my life.
The young people are so much more advanced in the mid-west than in NYC with regards to family and finances.  NY taught me how to be a hustler, but MN taught me how to multiply my hustle, work smart, not hard.  Then, I was to be married in August of 2002. My then fiancĂ© lost his job in April of that year and we had a wedding to finish paying for.  I ran my own salon at that time while attending school in the evenings.  Financially I was always the bread winner. 
I accompanied him to a small company to fill out a job application and because he was taking too long and out of boredom, I decided to fill out an application myself.  Well, the company ended up offering me a job and not him. That company was Arcadia/ TranSouth who was later bought out by  Citigroup. 
That started my career in the financial industry. I worked 2 jobs, at my salon and at the bank and went to school, full time to make ends meet and continue paying for a wedding. I made the tough decision to sell my salon after doing this for 2 years to see if I could climb this corporate ladder for a steady paycheck and health benefits out of necessity. It was hard leaving the salon and all my clients were in shock, the only thing I had known.  
Next, I relocated to Dallas with Citigroup because they shut down operations in Minnesota, over 500 employees laid off with no job. I had no kids and nothing tying me to Minneapolis, so against the will of my then husband, I decided to move to Dallas on my own. That was the 2nd best move in my life. 10 years later, I am an Assistant Vice President for one of the largest banks in the country. 
Through tragedy, come triumph is my testimony. I finally understand what the bible means by' The steps of a good man, is ordered by the Lord". All of my steps were ordered because I was supposed to be here. But God has to make it uncomfortable for me to make those decisions. They were not willingfully made, they were out of necessity.

I don't even know how I managed to do half of the things I did, so early in life. Some people find it difficult to do some of the stuff I have done. But really it has just been the grace of God on my life. There are people who go to school and take courses to be able to do things I've done.  There are people who wished they had the creativity and wisdom, that God just dropped on me. 
I have always gone back to school for my gifts after the fact. I was doing hair professionally at 14 with no real training.  I left Tottenville to go to Mckee and obtain a  cosmetology license so I would not have to pay for it when I got out.  I was running my salon taking college course night classes. That's why it feels weird for me to go around boasting or tooting my horn.
God's favor is not fair. It's pointless to go around "hating" on folks and trying to block their blessings. You just make yourself miserable. There are things that God gives each one of us, no one can take away, and that comes easy for us, but others have to work hard for it. Each of our favor is different. I really feel God's anointing is upon my life. No other way my story could be possible.
There are levels of blessings. Like you have steps, all of them are steps but you still have different levels. There are levels of anointing, all anointed but not on the same level. There are levels of victory, all victories but not on the same level. There are levels of peace, all peace but not on the same level. Some peace passes all understandings. There are different levels of joy. 

There's contentment, there's happiness etc... In God there are always levels. You can get 1 blessing, while I get another, both are blessings but may not be on the same level. A poor man is happy when he gets a coat, and a rich man is happy when he gets a return on his stock. Both of them cried out to God for a blessings and received based on God's level.  
What I am trying to get you to see, is that we can all be blessed and get blessings, but it will be on different levels. When we accept this fact, we can stop comparing our blessings or thinking it's not enough.
Rita was hard, closed off and had a lot of built up pain she was dealing with inside. She did not understand her own vulnerabilities and always needed to show that she was "okay". She had never been shown love, so she did not know how to accept love from others. She accepted whatever folks felt fit to give her. 


Rita now is LOVE. Compassionate, hard and soft at the same time. She has extreme Faith and love for God. Her Faith is always in the forefront with how she interacts with people. She knows she is worthy of all good things, she understands love and is learning how to give it. She is learning how to be a submissive, strong and successful black women ultimately.
I have learned that it is not so much about your destination. It is about all the things we learn along the way. We are so focused on getting from point A to point B, that often we don't understand the greatest lessons are in the journey and not the destination. It's in the process, walking it out. It's in getting up every day waiting on the "thing" to happen. It is not in the thing that you hope for that is important. 
It's in the lessons you learn while you wait.  Sometimes God doesn't give you what you want, when you want it. He delays the answer so you can learn by the process. If he gave you the promise too quickly, you would miss the opportunity to learn. The true glory is in the things that happens along the way.

As a girl I was SMART!

As a woman I am WISE!

To me it's important to have a strong foundation. Like a house, if the foundation is not strong the house cannot stand. So you can plan all you want, but if you don't position yourself to be around the right people, opportunities won't come and/or you will not be prepared for them. 
I would tell them to seek out a mentor for guidance. Someone who you want to model your success after, not life, but success. You need to surround yourself with folks who intimidate you. You want their business thinking and mentality towards conflict resolution to rub off on you. I don't care how independent of a thinker we feel we are, we are all a product of our environment. 
Successful people hang around other successful people to stay in the know. So, if you are the smartest person in your circle and everyone is drawing off your strength, you are in the wrong circle. That has helped me tremendously. I have always positioned myself to be with folks above me. When I was  supervisor, I would go to lunch with the managers, not my peer supervisors because I wanted to be on the next level.
They would see a woman after her own heart. Folks would be drawn to me more because they would see my heart is pure and full of good intentions. My exterior does not match my interior. 
I have an aura that folks see right away and they either really love me and or really can't deal with me. It is seldom in between. I think if they could see my heart, I would have the whole world in my hands, lol.  I am actually glad they can't see it because I would not be able to handle that many people. :=)
Knowing my purpose and growing closer to God. If someone would have told me I would be professing my faith and love of God publicly the way I do now, I would have said they were lying. 
While my mother and sister were falling out in the Holy Ghost and praying in the streets, I was laughing in church and avoiding being seen with them in public.
But life will change you, for the better or worse. I don't understand how people make it now without some type of faith, for the times in which we live. I feel guilty if I don't praise who keeps feeding me, opening and closing doors for my good. It's foolish to think that I'm so smart, I just always knew what to do, and I'm making it on my own.
There are times I don't even know or remember the steps I took to make it though some things. But I realized that God gives each one of us the grace, to bear our burdens. God gave you your troubles to match with the grace that he put in you to get through it. And he gave me grace to get through mine. 
I could never be you, or go through what you do, and vice versa, because our grace was made just for us by the master architect. My Faith, God's promise and the wisdom to make it out of my troubles, fulfills me greatly. 
Also being able to inspire others through testimony and transparency, not material things feels pretty awesome. The old Rita came off "perfect" and intimidated people. 
I may still intimidate some people, but the folks who are secure, and see the good in other's, see my heart 1st. I'm talkative when comfortable, I always want to help where I can. I want my reputation to precede me... Positively.
SHE IS A BOSS!!!!!!! 


I have embarked on a new journey called Bella Kinks. Bella Kinks is a movement. Conceived for the promotion and awareness of the transcendent beauty of natural hair, transformative impact of an organic diet, and the tranquil benefits of exercise for women of color.  
Bella Kinks operates to motivate women for action and embrace their beauty. Sharing knowledge and resources of such a lifestyle is the cornerstone of how Bella Kinks strengthens its mission. 
Bella Kinks further stretches it's commitment to a wholistic lifestyle through hosting educational seminars quarterly that implements the “each one, teach one” model. As a lifestyle brand, through e-commerce, Bella Kinks presents beauty product lines with companies that follow the tradition of organic and or handmade.
Bella Kinks is a lifestyle choice. As a brand it wants to challenge how you define beauty and accept the true natural beauty that is within you. Bella Kinks knows that once your natural beauty is turned on, a movement will be ignited. 
Let’s Unleash our Glamorous Beauty and Power Together, Naturally.  I can be found on social networking sites all of the time. has links to all my activities.




The trick to keep your blessings is to understand that the same things it took to get you there, are the same things you'll need to maintain once you get there. Many people get blessed, or get in relationships and they stop doing what they did. They become snooty or relaxed. All the things you did to get them needs to intensify. 
It's much harder to maintain, than it is to gain. I wish more people understood that upfront. Also, life has taught me that if I just keep on walking, keep going, that I have not even seen the things that God has in store for me yet. When I was broken hearted, I kept walking. 
There is always something ahead that is greater than what you left behind and when you finally get to it you will say that the sufferings of this present world, are not worthy to be compared to the glory that's up ahead.. In other words, I am glad I went through THAT, SO I CAN GET TO THIS.
Written & expressed by
Bella Kinks
Julian (Rita) Addo