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Thursday, December 20, 2012

BEING BINDU.....

Another lesson life wanted me to fully understand is that I cannot be the Bindu people need me to be when they need me to be.  I can only be me.  

I will not stay the same.  I will change & grow.  I work at changing & growing.  I don't always control how it happens but I always embrace it fully.  Change comes with sacrifice, growing pains, love, hurt & a whole lot of lessons.  


I do everything with an open heart so I can feel all of the way.  Sometimes my heart will be stabbed into a million pieces.  Sometimes my heart will be healed.  Sometimes my heart will pour all of the love out.  Sometimes people will pour pure love into my heart.  No matter what my heart stays open.  I refuse to be held hostage to any fears.
*TRUTH*
Let me share some of my personal truth with you today.  I have people in my life who discourage me every chance they get *unintentionally*.  I have someone who tells me they don't understand what I'm doing & that's not the Bindu they know.  So I guess I am one way all of the time....Not at all!

Then I have someone who says nothing, throw some digs once in while & refuse to acknowledge what I am doing, how I am doing it as if it is meaningless.  Then they try to act like life is all gravy & we are really cool.  So I guess I am suppose to pretend like all is well.....I don't think so!


Then I have someone who talks about how supportive they are & how they are on my side because they want to see me win but they do things that discourage me, hurt my feelings & break me down at times.  So I guess I should take the pat on my back, show appreciation & then go sit in a corner feeling emotionally trapped or stuck in life......Not gonna be able to do that!

They want to see me succeed their way or not at all, which makes them feel secure in who I am within their lives.  In my head I either don't mean much, ain't worth much or am too much for them.   Hey that's just a few people around me.  There are a whole lot more!  I just look around at all of the people who have crossed my path to see what is really going on right now in my life.  

Some people in my life keep talking about success & it's years later...still just talking about it.  They are still taking baby steps as adults.  I can't flow on slow grow!!  That's moving way too slow for me.  You have to create opportunities, jump on opportunities & live life while you still have a life to live.  It makes you wonder what is really in people's hearts for you.  

I have changed but I am growing into me.  They are not just words.  My journey is about the woman I am supposed to become in this world.  She's a woman of courage, strength & experiences that come in the form of life lessons.  I'm open to life, but on my terms & it scares people.  It scares me too but I don't want fear to be my prison.  

I say all of this because life is very tricky.  People can know you for years yet they never really know you.  The minute change comes along in your life, people judge your change, disrespect your change & refuse to acknowledge your personal change.  

CHANGE MEANS GROWTH.  It takes tremendous courage to change right in front of people who are use to you being exactly the way they need you to be in their mind, heart & life.  When your change does not serve them well they don't react or receive it too well.

LET ME TELL YOU HOW I LOVE PEOPLE......If it makes me unhappy I set myself free.  If it makes people happy I'm truly happy for them.  If people shine I'm happy for them.  If people change, I'm happy for them with full understanding that I may not be included in their change or growth....I'm still happy for them. 


I love to see people change, grow, succeed & shine their light on this world but that's because I know exactly what real love is.  I KNOW REAL LOVE!!!  There are countless people that I love but I've let them go over the years.  I've let them go when I was too immature for them & did not want to hold them back.  I've let them go because they needed to be in a better circle with people who had more wisdom than me.  


I've let them go to focus on their family, relationships & new friendships that offered more than what I was giving.  I've set them free to be who they need to be & I've done it peacefully.  They owe me nothing & I truly wish them well.  


ANYTHING THAT DOES NOT GROW IS TRULY DEAD WITHIN.  

Life has taught me that most people confuse love with everything under the sun.  They confuse love with jealousy & envy. They confuse love with anger & hate.  They confuse love with control & being stuck.  


People twist what love is to benefit their fears when the truth is that LOVE DOES NOT HURT!  LOVE HEALS!!!
 *TRUTH*

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