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Monday, November 26, 2012

PLAYING FAVORITES

When parents, grandparents, guardians & other family members choose a favorite child, that is one way of creating the black sheep within the family unit.  The message this will send is damaging & it will carry over well into adulthood.  

Do you ever take notice to the person who has a false superiority complex & sense of entitlement just because they exist.  Somebody created that monster!  

*TRUTH*
EVERYTHING begins in the home from a young age.  People outside of a family can always sense tension between siblings that is directly related to their upbringing.  
No matter how much siblings claim to love & care about each other, someone always says or does something that clearly shows that they have some deep rooted family issues.  Healing is a must!!!
I never have to know any personal details or a person's family history to pick up on who the favorite & special child was.  It shows in a person's character & behavior as an adult, especially with how they interact with siblings.  

Even siblings who are very close & would do anything for each other throw digs & stabs at each other or at the adult they resent for playing favorites.


What is worse are those sibling who can't recognize it.  How do you get healing from something you can't even see in yourself or acknowledge when you do see it?  It's bad enough that siblings usually create their  own drama over meaningless things but whomever is rearing the children should be as fair & equal as possible.

Parents often make the mistake of pointing out one child's flaws or weaknesses like behavior issues, while praising the other child for meaningless things like being good looking.  REALLY????  

Why are parents even making comparisons among their children?  ANSWER:  To make themselves feel better about their own issues & insecurities.  *TRUTH*  


You will always have a child or some children that push buttons for attention or exhibit self destructive behavior for various reasons but that's what love, patience, positive communication, support, counseling & therapy is for.  TRY IT!!!


When one child is praised & worshiped, while the other is being put down or made to feel less than equal, this truly is emotional abuse & a recipe for pure dysfunction.  You can't break a cycle if you don't acknowledge it within your own life, home & family.  LOVE HEALS!

This is one truth that I know many people can relate to.  Playing favorites is NEVER okay.  One of the hardest things to do is to LOVE your children equally, when you have a child that challenges you as a parent.  You signed up for the toughest job in the world so you can't expect not to be challenged.  


How you treat any child by the way you behave towards them or the words you choose to heal or harm them, speaks to your character.  Children are the truth & when they have a bone to pick with family or adults that is always a sign that they were emotionally, verbally & physically mistreated in some way.  

Parents have the biggest role to play in children's lives.  All adults do too, even if they are not parents.  It takes a village, so it is a huge responsibility for all of us.  Handle children with LOVE! 

2 comments:

NAZ Pankey said...

Thank you for writing about such a deep and important subject. Favoritism is awful. Every child is different and special. A child should not be built up by pulling another down. Some parents actually believe that one child is more important and better than the other. What's so sad is the children will grow to believe their parents because they trust their parents. One child will grow up believing that he/she is worthless while the favored child will believe that he/she is worth more.

I experienced that kind of abuse first-hand. My sister and I had different fathers. My mother always compared our dads. My dad was a liar, whore, etc., whereas my sisters dad was a good man. I would hear things like, "Your sister cleans better than you.
She irons clothes better than you," and so on.

I grew up with very low self-esteem. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I wanted the family I never had. Yes, I made a lot of bad decisions. I got married to a man who almost took my life. While his hands were around my throat and I was dying, my life flashed before my eyes. From when I was a baby being selfish with my toys to when I was eight and nine years old walking the streets of New York at five in the morning. In the mid eighties when crack was at large. Children were turning up dead, raped, or kidnapped, yet I made it. Later I made it through homelessness, broken hearted, unemployment. I even got out of a cult.

Then I saw my two month old son in the next room sleeping. Next, I asked God in my thoughts “Is this how it ends for me—with my son in the next room sleep?”

I had to learn how to see myself through God’s eyes and not mine, or my parents, sisters etc.

Most of the time the ones who are doubted are the ones who succeed.

BINDU INMYHEAD said...

Thanks for your feedback NAZ!!!! I agree 100%!! It kills your self worth at an early age & you grow up not knowing how valuable you are. I experienced dealing with favoritism from family members as well, which is why this topic hit home for me. Family members who do this do not understand the scars they leave on children. It is very hurtful & damaging to the soul. Thanks so much for sharing your truth!! XOXOXOXOXOXO