Monday, September 24, 2012

UNDER CONSTRUCTION- Relationship Truth

Please be patient - This Soul is Under Construction!
When you start a relationship with someone & fall in love, how do you deal with a damaged soul who is stuck in their trauma & pain?  I personally don't care too much for the "lovey dovey" early stage of the relationship because in the back of my mind I'm thinking who are you really?
I haven't been in a lot of relationships but I've been in lengthy relationships.  This means I stuck around long enough to know that sooner or much later, the plot always thickens!  That is when the voice *IN MY HEAD* says, oh boy!! here we go again, this person is about to show you who they really are inside.  You can feel & sense the storm coming! 
Damn!!!  Damn!!!!  Damn!!!!  Damn!!!!  
I have a free flowing spirit but those experiences can leave people guarded & very protective of their hearts.  When you put your heart on the line in the name of love, you are expecting your  relationship to blossom & grow.  There should be some kind of wonderful vibe with positive growth as the end result.

Unfortunately, the raw truth is how you start every relationship is usually how you will end it.  Unless you are honest with your partner & yourself, sex & love won't cut it.  You need truth!  

If you start with lies & deception don't act surprised when things begin to  take a toll on your relationship.  People start with love & sex, but never enough truth to give them the balance the need.
If you start with half truths, then don't act surprise when you struggle to become whole.  Relationships can take such a tremendous toll on you, your partner & your soul if you decide to enter someone's life while "UNDER CONSTRUCTION".  You must complete the work on yourself because the problems from your past will fester.  They are not going to disappear.  When you keep experiencing the same lessons or worse then more than likely its you.  Take all the time you need to go heal!  
What's on the surface is one thing, but what's beneath can be a whole other animal to deal with.  Yes we all have issues, but what saves us is when we work on ourselves in order to heal & grow from our experiences in life.  Our personal trauma, pain & the damage done to us should not follow us into new relationships.  That's our fault!  

How we grow as a person, should not put people we love through such a tremendous amount of stress, hurt & pain.  You know you possess greatness & you have so many things to offer your partner.  Pain should not be one of them!  When you know that you are truly "UNDER CONSTRUCTION", you should fall back & very take long breaks from relationships.  Time for healing!
People need to be by themselves, so they can nurse their wounds & cleanse their souls.  Unless you keep dating  & getting married to therapists or mental health professionals, you need to do the work it takes to become whole all over again.  Before you can truly add your value & your worth to another person's life you must be truly balanced within.   
What makes things worse is that people enter relationships with their idea of who they think they can be to another person.  That is not your whole truth.  I don't even think people ask real soul searching questions.  I've seen people become easily distracted in love or focus on nonsense like who their partners dated or slept with before them.  What does that do for your self esteem?  It makes you more insecure, competitive & jealous.  It does not help or heal you at all. 

How I think *IN MY HEAD* is that I really don't want to know who did you wrong & how they did you wrong, as much as I want to know if you are healed.  I want to know what you did wrong, what you've learned & how will you apply those lessons to your relationships.  But hey that's just how I think..... do what works for you!
If going through your partner's cell phones, texts, emails, friend's list on facebook & snooping as you play "I Spy" works for you then good luck with that lesson.  People always find what they are looking for, but they can never really handle the truth.  It becomes a vicious cycle of being stuck inside of your fears.  It is better to take pics of your own truth, look at your own growth & lessons in life!  
Your truth! Your life! Your worth!
People struggle because they enter their relationships & marriages with their half truths & convince.  They will themselves that they are not so bad because they are "work in progress".  They need a PPM!  A professional progress monitor to track all of their *BS* & "so called" work in progress.  Pay attention to how slick people can be when it comes to avoiding  ways to work on themselves.  

People who don't take the time to heal their hurt will hurt others.  If a person cannot escape who they are, then how can their partner escape the hurt & pain that person will eventually cause in the relationship?  Sooner or later they will bring their pain & the truth will reveal itself over time. 

When there is little change & growth within yourself, your relationship or marriage, then that means you need to do more work so you can make some real progress.  That can't happen when people ignore their reality (denial) or choose to become lazy at working hard on themselves.  I've watch couples outgrow each other because one person did all of the work, so they moved on.

"I'm a work in progress" is only an excuse if you don't work at changing your ways for good.  You need to make progress each day, especially if your growth usually comes from putting your partners through a whole lot of pain.  Some people are too far gone.  They are too damaged to jump into relationships or get married, but they do it anyway.  When you can honestly talk about & openly share your pain, then you are ready for healing.

On the very first date some people really need to wear a very bright neon shirt that says I am & I will be "UNDER CONSTRUCTION" for a very long time.  If they have to seek out love, they need to know that they need someone who is willing to put in the work with them, because they are worth it.  That comes with being honest with your partner. That's entering your relationship with *TRUTH*.  

Most people are not prepared to deal with damaged souls who can't even admit to themselves that they are in pain.  All that stuff comes out in so many ways & it will eventually ruin your relationship.  Every single person has been through some hurt & pain, but when you can't seem to make peace with your pain, at least enough to not hurt people you love, then you are still "UNDER CONSTRUCTION " .  

You have to go heal from the damage that has been done to you or else you will hurt people who are trying to love & understand you.  How much patience do people expect others to have with their personal hurt & pain?  It's your pain for you to deal with & heal from? They should be working on theirs while you work on yours.  That's balance!

Never put that kind of burden, stress & pressure onto others because it is truly unfair?  People should be strong enough to uplift themselves so they can inspire their partner & others to do the same.  Unfortunately, some people don't want to try or expect others to carry their load in the relationship.   There is always going to be major issues in relationships when people don't pull their own weight. 

When people lean on others so much that everybody is sinking like the "Titanic" & there is no life jacket to save yourselves, then the relationship will drown.  It is not right to expect people who love you to hold you up & sustain you for life, that's selfish.  That is not love.  Love & truth will set you free not bound, gag & suffocate you.  

People  need to work harder at healing so they can learn how to free their souls.  Your life is about you first. How do you rise above all of your hurt, pain, fears & jump over life's hurdles, when you can't even pick yourself up off the ground?  You have to see your worth each day so you can lift yourself up.  

Take your hurt & your pain in your hands, control it so you can heal your life.  It all begins & ends with your choices in life.  You can choose to carry  all of your old baggage that will damage your new relationship or you can choose to get rid of it in exchange for a fresh start.  If you can't do that then at least be 100% truthful with yourself first & then partner.  

When you are truly work in progress then you can deal in truth.  Everything you want your partner to be to you, is exactly what you need to offer to yourself first.  Offer yourself real love, real compassion, real healing & truth. You must own & accept your truth first before choosing to share yourself with another person, their children, their family & their friends.  Free yourself!

Your focus should be about self love!  That means you must understand that your worth has been compromised by you or people who have hurt you.  Offer  what is left & that is going to be your good, bad & ugly truth. 

It takes a bold soul with real personal  growth to know that they've been broken so wide open that they are still hurting & damaged.  They will need someone in their life to be kind, compassionate & patient with them, as they continue to work on healing.  

The goal is to heal & become whole again.  What you see on the surface is the mask some people wear while they are UNDER CONSTRUCTION".  Your attitude in life should be if you can't love me as I am then you are free to leave me alone!  Speak your truth!!


Jacinta said...

Wow, that really is something to think about. This came right on time. Thanks so much.


Hi Jacinta!! I'm so glad it was right on time & you're very welcome. We all have these emotions & feelings from time to time but it's good to heal before moving on. Thank you very much!!! Blessings to you. :-)