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Tuesday, September 11, 2012

TIT FOR TAT

One sad truth about life is that humiliation loves guilt.  Humiliation & guilt are the biggest reasons for playing  TIT FOR TAT!
If you do things that has really hurt other people, you 
should feel some guilt.  If you don't feel guilt then you just might want to do some soul searching.  If someone does something to hurt you then the feelings of humiliation combined with the hurt usually kicks in as soon as the damage is done.  This is a part of life!  It's one of the crappy parts, but that's life!

What sucks is when people intentionally humiliate others to make them feel guilty about something.  I notice that so many women find creative ways to humiliate men all of the time.  We love us some payback!!  (Sad but so true)  Men tend to strike back by taking stabs & jabs at women for humiliating them into feeling guilty about something.  It's a crazy game of "TIT FOR TAT" that will emotionally trap you.
  
Unfortunately retaliation is a huge part of life & sometimes people are stuck trying to place an equivalent amount of pain onto others who have done them wrong.  This really is such a waste of time!  There is no loving or living in paying others back for the hurt they've caused you.  All you're doing is slowing your own progression & personal growth.

People can really be hurtful when they are hurt & humiliated.  In relationships, a lot of women do it because they want men to feel guilty & experience the humiliation that being hurt caused them.  I know too many women who blame men for things they allowed & accepted.  The problem is some women don't know how to express it in a healthy way, so they struggle with letting go of the pain. 
 
How we handle hurt is usually a good reflection of where we are mentally, emotionally & spiritually. Life has also taught me that we are all very fragile & emotional.  People who pretend to be so strong & never show that they get emotional are not being real with themselves.  I don't care what our society may project onto us about how it is only women who are always being emotional, that's a bunch of *BS*.

Men are just as sensitive & emotional as women.  I actually feel that men are more sensitive & emotional than women because there is so much pressure on them to present a brave, tough & strong image.  I'm wondering when do they get to cry & say I'm really hurting inside.  Brave & strong is just a shell to cover up or protect your raw emotions.  Men hurt & fall apart just like women.  They truly need a healthy outlet to release those feelings & balance their lives.

To be honest, I feel this is why men are notorious for cheating.  They struggle with truth & they struggle with expressing themselves in a healthy way.  They take advantage of the fact that a lot of behaviors are easily encouraged & accepted within society so it's easy to cheat.  I've heard men say "I did everything right & I thought I was ready to be faithful." 


The sad truth is if men feel humiliated enough then guilt kicks in & they might be honest if they are honest with themselves first.  It's a man's world but we don't have to accept the hurt that comes with it & we don't need to add to the hurt with revenge.

I also feel this is why women make themselves ready & available to cheat with men & be cheated on by men.  What's crazy is women beat men in the head about being honest even though they already know their men are struggling with truth.  I feel this usually happens because women are struggling with truth & accepting reality.  


Clear & honest communication works & can help people avoid humiliation & guilt only if each person involved are open to hearing, listening & living in truth.  Truth is not simple & easy at all.  When you know someone isn't being honest why do you still desire to push them to communicate honestly?  They are not ready or open to truth & it's like beating a dead horse but we all do it anyway.  

The truth is that you really can't humiliate or guilt people into truth & expect things to end on a positive note.  You can only be honest with yourself, use your common sense as you follow your heart.  

People may break down, fall apart or even want revenge.  Payback for hurt is not the right thing to do but it really is something that people struggle with because they feel angry & hurt.  There are many lessons life will give us to remind us that we are human.  Everyone will hurt somebody's feelings & everyone will be hurt by somebody at some point in their lives. 

We really have to stop buying into everything that we are being sold in life & stay focused on what is real within ourselves & our personal lives.  I notice that people always get so many things twisted in life & when we add deep rooted feelings & emotions thing just build up or explode.  I think it is because we all have our very own unique perspective which usually is based on so many things from our culture, trends to our living environment & various life experiences.

We are human beings so that means we have feelings & emotions which is normal.  Feelings & emotions are healthy if we don't keep them bottled up inside of ourselves.  Expressing how we feel & releasing our emotions are some of the things that connect us to the heart of life.  People struggle with doing this in a healthy manner which is one of the many reasons people vent on Facebook.  

Hey I love facebook & I call it the vent box!!!  I vent all the time & share my truth each day.  I can't lie because I'm on it typing my thoughts out & I get so emotional that I'm like did I just say that???  Yep! I sure did & I meant it too!  *TRUTH*  I see at least 10 posts a day from somebody who had their feelings hurt & now they want to humiliate & place guilt on the person who hurt them.
  
Humiliation & guilt are really two peas in a pod! If you've ever felt both then you know that is can cut you to the core or break you down in so many ways.  I've felt it & truth be told.....IT SUCKS, but I survived & you can too.  Life is really about how you handle your emotions.  Some of us are great at it & others struggle with expressing ourselves. 

Dealing with humiliation & guilt is a part of life but I notice people are easily trapped in those emotions to the point where they become stuck!  Sometimes the worst thing for people to lose complete control of is their emotions, but I feel it does offer a window of opportunity to bring some healing & closure to open wounds.  Causing someone to feel humiliated & very guilty or when you're feeling humiliated & guilty about something you've done is really a natural human emotion.    Everyone will go through this.


The best thing anyone can do for themselves is to avoid or never stay emotionally stuck in the tit for tat & payback game.  It's a deadly trap that can allow you to feed off humiliation & guilt.  I love when people dig into truth & say I was wrong but I've learned & I am moving on.  Even better is when people can say someone did them wrong but they have healed their wounds & moved forward with their life.  


People allow too much time to pass by before dealing with their emotions.  
Life will pass you by if you don't learn how to cope in a healthy way.  Healing from humiliation & guilt is always an option.  The reward you get is personal growth but you have to learn how to get up, get out & get moving so you can get over it! 

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