LOVE - HURTS!
LIES - HURTS EVEN MORE!
CONFESSIONS- HURTS TO THE CORE!
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"Sometimes in life, the only odds that are against us are the ones we stack against ourselves!" ~BinduA self loathing & self defeating mindset is why I offer advice to people about value & worth. When I was a single mother the odds that others stacked against me, was that no man is going to wed a young single mother who was struggling to find herself in life as she cared for her kids.
I come from an old school & pretty traditional family background & culture, so I'm sure they everybody was stressed about my future. I could hear the heart attacks happening all over the place when I became a young mother & refused marriage. I was trapped in an emotionally toxic & a very unhealthy relationship, that I helped to create & chose to stay in. It was my choice & my responsibility to get myself out!
It was that "popcorn love" that could only go downhill if I walked down the isle. I had to find my way out of hurt so I had to find the strength to be alone. I decided to work harder & take great care of my kids. Marriage came later on because I worked on myself not because I needed an Mrs. Degree! I can stand on my own very well.
I was worthy as a young girl. I was worthy as a teenager. I was worthy as a young woman. I was worthy as a single mother & I am worthy as a wife. I had to learn that painful lesson by myself & I did.
I know that I am truly blessed because I learned & continue to learn to never focus on what people say or think about me. My intentions are good. I try to simplify my life & never complicate it. Unless they pay my bills & support my family then my life is not about them. I only focus on what people do to me & to how they treat me.
Are you speaking to my soul & is your intent to offer me soul growth? I ask because I know that I am living this life to learn each of my lessons, so I like to be very clear & specific. Every time a person is speaking to me they need to do the same & put their intention towards me on display.
I will always question the source. Who is pointing out all of my flaws, short comings, struggles & WHY? Be careful of how coy people can be in belittling your worth so they can feel better about their weaknesses & insecurites.
I love when I see people for exactly who they are within my life. For those who saw great potential within me & had high hopes & expectations for me, I could tell they didn't want life to be hard on me. That is why I will always be grateful to my family for their strength, endless love & support. I made it this far in life because I was blessed with a loving, supportive & nurturing family.
For those who "felt some kind of way" about me, meaning they were never sincere or had good intentions for me, I lived my life regardless of how they pointed their nose & looked way down on me. I could care less because I planned to clean house. Everybody has a season & to stay in my life you need to show me your reasons. My motto is everything & everybody is not required to take up space in my life. I learned to remove negative people with their negative thoughts & their energy out of my life for good.
I say I'm blessed because the core of who I am is the greatest level of love, affection & compassion. All that I am within is the reason that I never truly believed life would be so hard that I could not enjoy a great life.
I'm still on this journey but it does get better with time. Being a parent is a tough job but I have a strong work ethic, so I will work at being an excellent mother every day. Not perfect but absolutely perfect for my children's well being & happiness.
Life will never be perfect for anyone, so you have to make your life a perfect fit for you. I struggled with depression for a long time but I knew I would get out of it & get through it. I will believe that more & more each day until I pass on. I believe that I am grace under pressure so I never bought into what a young, single mother can't become BUT I didn't make marriage my goal or priority.
My attitude was that I'm in a heavy situation, so I'm not getting married to make things worse just to save face. I didn't know how, but I knew there had to be other options. I made loving my kids & trying to figure out who I really could become in life my number one priority. I had a lot of peace be still moments & did a lot of soul searching.
The reason I am on the path that I'm on, exploring this journey of mine the way I choose to, is because over 10 years ago I made up my mind that one day I'm going to do a superb job at steering my own ship. I waited a long time to get this far in life, but I paced myself with love & handled adversity with courage & grace. I cannot waste my time & energy on fear any longer! Love conquers all things. I believe in becoming love & I am skilled at it!
I had to stop living as if I am powerless to get what I really desired out of life. Things don't just happen. People make things happen for themselves & for others they love. I plan to achieve a whole lot before the age of 40 & that's only the beginning. I will flow forward!
Never stay stuck in your fears. The only difference between me & other people is that I believe in myself. I have faith in myself. Even when I don't know what I am doing or if I really am making the best choices in life, I trust myself anyway. I still get nervous & sometimes afraid but I flow forward so I can keep my mind, heart, spirit & soul open to what life has in store for me.
If I can believe in myself without letting negativity into my mind, heart & soul then so can you!!!! If I can hold even a little bit of faith within myself & stop listening to naysayers, worrying about being a failure, disappointing others, being judged or what people may think about me, then so can you!!!!
You have to start living YOUR life YOUR way to exceed your greatest potential. Father time is not going to wait around for you to change because life really is too short to not get up & try harder every single day. You must desire to do better in life!