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Saturday, September 1, 2012

FAMILY FEUDS

I LOVE & ADORE my family!! I'm truly grateful that the good eggs outweigh the bad ones.
Family is everything but only if each member of the family is willing to work hard by applying real love, real support & real nurturing relationships within the family.  This can only come from dealing with the real truth about your family.  Either you are truly for your family or you are in the way of your family growing as a whole.  Be a force, but be a loving force that is willing to offer something good that can offer your family balance.

It seems that family feuds always start but never seem to end.  It just takes breaks in between the holidays, then everyone will get back on track with the disagreements again.  Family feuds can go on forever & just when it may seem like things are getting better, it will be rehashed by some members of the family.  Usually it is someone who has a good reason to be upset but then you have some people who are just resentful & bitter.  They get off on getting their little stabs & jabs in on the drama.  


I am going to be brutally honest & say that family feuds are the main reason I don't play games with people.  I don't play games with people because I don't play games with family.  Now if I don't have tolerance for *BS* from those who are my blood then I surely will not waste my time or energy on anyone else who is focused on nonsense.  


Family feuds can really wear a person out!  The sad part is in my personal life, I don't really argue or fight with people.  I'm good for a look & maybe a sarcastic smirk here & there, but that's because I fight sarcasm daily.  Not being sarcastic is my own personal struggle, but I solve that problem by keeping my mouth shut.  My attitude is hey....I can't argue with my mouth closed & sooner or later people will get tired of arguing with themselves.


Have you ever just let a person get all their stuff off of their chest?  They vent & go off until they are out of breath.  Well I do!  I like to listen to see if they see & hear themselves.  I just watch & then I make a decision about how I can make the situation better.  If I can't then I just let my peace be still & wish my family well.  Every family member is not required to share every bit of life's moments with you, especially the ones that are foul on a consistent basis.


Sometimes family will take advantage or feel a sense of entitlement just because you are family.  WRONG! Everything must be earned in some way.  I don't just expect people to trust me, have faith in me & believe in me.  How people choose to receive me in life is up to them.  I am sure that I will earn there respect because I am woman enough to say when I'm wrong, say I'm sorry or I am work in progress, but I can show that I am making the very progress that I am talking about. 


Everybody that is a part of your life will not have this quality in them, especially some family members.  I value my time & energy very much.  I refuse to claim or acknowledge certain family members that have a proven track record of finding new ways to screw their family over.  I've learned not to "beat dead horses".  I don't fight or argue.  I wish them well, then I keep it positive & keep it moving.  


I've grown a whole lot.  One thing I've learned is to  never put yourself out there because the wolves love fresh meat.  Some family members function like they are in a wolf pack.  That doesn't work for me because I like to know who & what I'm dealing with at all times.  I learn by watching how family will treat the other members within their family.  If you can't respect your own family or yourself then why should I expect you to treat others well.  


Once I'm very clear on what I'm working with as far as personalities & characters within the family, I figure out a way to keep my life simple by eliminating the fire starters.  The fire starters usually start the family feuds.  Some relatives are not about creating a peaceful living environment for their family.  


Never get caught up & involved in family feuds because trying to be the peacemaker with stubborn people is like setting yourself up to get burned.  My attitude is family is only a word until those connected or related to you choose to breathe honest love into family every single day.  

The same goes with friendships & relationships.  I always try to simplify my life so my attitude is either your going to add to the love in my life or you won't exist in my space.  I come from a huge family so the drama & baggage can last forever.  As soon as we put one fire out the fire starters light another match.  

I see no point in pouring my time & energy into people who clearly know how to act but choose to do foul things.  There truly is a small part of me that has an appreciation for family feuds because I get to clearly see who I want to stay away from.  I fall back because sometimes there is no converting your ignorant family members.  We all have them.  I just prefer to avoid mine like a plague, so their ignorance does not trickle over into my life.  


Family feuds happen for a million different reasons. I don't deal with family who I know for a fact are liars, not quite right or bright, manipulative, users, disrespectful, ignorant & full of crap.  They live to keep their lies going & present an image to people outside of the family who are not "IN THE KNOW". They act as if life is all good.  Meanwhile they offer nothing but negativity, drama & don't want to contribute in a way that will enrich the family unit.


I'm sorry but those "not quite right" relatives are the bench warmers of the family unit.  They are usually the fire starters & cause of family feuds.  They are flame tossers who love to light a match & get the feuds started.  They never know when to fall back & just be quiet.  They love to add fuel to the fire when it comes to family problems.  In my opinion their goal is to divide & conquer.  


They never want to step up & solve issues unless they can get something out of their family....for example money, free meals, free babysitting, borrowing cars, stay in your homes, using up your stuff, leaving their responsibilities a.k.a. their kids with family for lengthy periods of time while they lie & say the have to work.  I could go on & on!


What's worse is when your family will date, marry & have kids with people they didn't screen but who fall under these categories.  "IN MY HEAD* I'm thinking that bad enough I have to deal with you, now I have to deal with the "village idiot" you married too.  I use to give them all the silencer but as I've gotten older I've added deuces & kick rocks to the silencer.  


I have to protect my mental health & kick some family to the curb when I've given way too many second chances & see no change in a person.  There are always those family members that push the "too nice" relatives too far.  There are those people you love that are TOO NICE & because they are TOO NICE it leaves a window of opportunity for the family users to be foul.  People who take advantage of the kindness offered by their own family are just wrong.


This is my truth right here.....I am so easy going & focused on keeping life simple that if I have to cut you off & not deal with you then you must be some kind of ignorant foulness.  That means I gave you a million & one chances only for you to screw it all up.  I keep it positive by not dealing with them because if I do then I will allow my dark side to take over & it's not worth losing my joy.  


Certain family members make it hard to stay positive & focused on being a kind, giving, generous, loving & just a compassionate person.  They are delusional & pathetic on so many levels that it's hard to offer them support or help because you know they will bite your hand off while you are feeding them.  It's a sad truth! 


Some members of your family can be so set in their ways that dealing with them is like dealing with a person who is on probation.  You have to keep checking to see if they screwed up their life, your life, their kids lives, your friends lives & so on because they will do good for a while but as soon as you feel optimistic & let your guard down to relax KAPOW!


They always mess up while on probation, AGAIN!  Some people just don't get the meaning or purpose of having family.  This is why so many people say "my friends are my family" because their "true blood" is wearing them thin.  *TRUTH*

The worst & best part about family feuds is that we all play a role in starting it, ending it & healing from it.  We have a huge job to do when we are born into a family or enter family through marriage & friendships.  We should be focused on building the family up & not tearing it down.  If your family problems are too big to save & heal from then at the very least part ways as peacefully as you can.  

The people who hurt the most are the children who have no idea why the adults in their lives fight & can't love each other.  Family can learn life lessons from the children & find ways to keep the joy flowing by avoiding unnecessary family feuds.
 

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