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Friday, August 24, 2012

REAL WOMANHOOD

Speaking from the purest place within my heart I can say that I am so glad to be a woman who truly loves women.  I look up to & admire women.  I respect & appreciate women.  

I cherish women because we hold the key to life.  I support the truth within women BUT as a woman I have to tug on some truth & acknowledge that becoming a real woman is a process of growth & maturity that many females are not prepared for.  


You cannot help women who choose to stay stuck & set in their ways, but you can be a positive example of what real womanhood represents.  It is very rare for me to argue with other women because I've always stayed in my lane & never placed myself in the mix of drama.  I choose to not cosign on intentionally hurting other women or running in circles & cliques.


I'm not sure if history is repeating itself but it seems like there are too many women who will not speak their truth.  Women rarely share their tough life lessons in a way that will offer wisdom to other women who need some guidance, support & truth.


Some choose to hide who they really are.  They cheer the good while they cover up the bad.  Some women choose to play the game instead of playing by the rules.  Some ride the coattails of others & some just straddle the fence in life.  I felt like I was thrust forward into my womanhood as a wake up call.  My only options were to sink or swim! 


Sharing truth is not easy but something as simple as honest communication while using some form of constructive criticism can plant the right seeds into women for healing.  Once healed then those lessons can be shared & passed onto other women.  Truth is what the sisterhood will need in order for us to grow gracefully into real womanhood.  
We can heal when we are ready to stop sending out invitations for negativity.  We can heal when we shed our personal drama & stand firmly upon our worth.  We show how worthy we are when we consider how another woman may feel in certain situations & why  or how she ended up in her situation.  That is simple compassion that I had to learn after taking the time to understand some of the beautiful women who have crossed my path.

The truth is that women are tough on other women.  I know I am but in a *TOUGH LOVE* kind of way.  I'm tough on women & women are just as tough on me.  It is done with real positive intentions for us to better ourselves.  I agree that we should be tough on each other, not to judge but to push the growth & healing process along.  


This can be tough because in order to try to show compassion, not point fingers, go on the attack, not be passive aggressive & judge, you have to be ready to grow into real woman.  That means being wiser, stronger & a bigger & better person during those times when you want to "snap, crackle & pop" the mess outta somebody!  

To achieve this you need the right tools & must know how to use them to be prepared for womanhood.  Some of us think we are ready but we have a long road ahead of us.  I know because I'm traveling that same path & at times I do get weary.  From an evolving woman's perspective & my very personal experience, far too often we call ourselves women yet we do things that will stunt our personal growth. 
Sometimes our truth is beautiful & can make a joyful noise.  Sometimes our truth can be so ugly it will ruin the trust & love in our friendships.  Those moments of truth are lessons that occur for a specific reason within our lives.  Even when we know better we can still behave in a really immature way.  

At times we can be childish & petty in a way that can hold us back from blossoming within our friendships, relationships & from genuinely connecting or networking with other amazing women.  We need to dig a little deeper so that we can  learn ourselves & those who we connect or interact with for the purpose of growth, not just for a good time.



I've seen & experienced so many traits within women, so I don't know of one woman who hasn't done wrong to another women.   I know some amazing women with the purest hearts but when women have foul intentions, it takes a whole lot for other women not to flip out!  

Women tend to have problems because they do not have that raw honest & loving communication with one another.  When they do somebody will usually avoid confrontation, become defensive, be in denial, a straight up liar or go into victim mode.  The "poor little me" syndrome is so toxic, especially when you keep repeating mistakes that are harmful to your personal growth.

  
Even the sweetest most evolved women with the best intentions may react in a way that is harsh, rude, offensive, hurtful or petty.  
Sometimes it is too exhausting to keep on checking slick people who creep into your lane & don't know how to act.  They are usually hurtful, disrespectful & do not want to understand what it means to have boundaries. 

Some women are foul & do things intentionally but other women are not foul.  Some are just immature because they have no idea of how to sincerely express themselves in a healthy & positive way.  Nobody will ever be perfect in this world so there is no perfect woman.  
We are all teaching each other something about life with each connection we make. 

When we as women become numb to a lot of issues among each other then it will cause the sisterhood to become shaky.  What we do will trickle down the line.  We should come into each other's lives to build a solid foundation, not to create cracks or be flaky with one another.  I use to be called the cut off queen because I have no tolerance for *BS*.  I struggle with the *FFX* fakery, foolywang or any kind of XTRA behavior. 


I decided to reflect on the way that I've been judged, misjudged, treated & mistreated by women.  It actually inspired me to share this truth, not to knock women but to make women more aware of how we can easily project our views & issues onto each other without learning another woman's truth.  We all do this from time to time & it is not okay.


It is only fair that I start with myself first.  I do feel the need to humble myself in a way where other women can understand where I am coming from.  Sometimes I look back on how I handled certain situations with women I loved, didn't love, knew or didn't get the chance to truly know & I felt the need to apologize. 

Today I offer an apology to women because I now understand how easy it is to fall into the trap of negative behavior towards other women.  I may not get to say how truly sorry I am face to face or even remember exactly why I had a falling out but I can choose to do better right now.  The crazy thing about us as women is as long as we feel we were wronged by someone else, then we will always be right!

I can't do anything about the past, but what I can do is use this blog as platform to humble myself.  Doing this has shown me that I've grown tremendously on my path to real womanhood.  I'm a much better woman today because I questioned my actions, intentions, behavior & reaction towards other women so I can heal.  I am standing in my truth & feeling real free to be me!  

*LOVE IT*
Some situations don't require being defensive or the big put down.  There doesn't have to be yelling, screaming, backstabbing, gossiping, not speaking, ignoring or going out of our way to distance ourselves from other women.  
We do it all the time.  We do it so much that we are quick to find other women to cosign on our behavior & choose sides.  Isn't that what little girls do?  All that does is create negative vibes & awkward energy when in the company of other women.

I've learned so much about myself & while I know I am a good woman, I've fallen short when it comes to doing right by certain women.  The only reason I do reflect a little bit is not to dwell on the past but to apply my lessons.  I've come to realize that I was still just "THE LITTLE GIRL WITHIN" in so many situations.  

I was not yet a real woman so I was immature.  I ignored, did nothing, said nothing or simply walked away from dealing with certain women.  I wasn't mature enough to not hold a grudge, be petty, childish & judgmental.  I wasn't courageous enough to speak my truth without being afraid to hurt another woman's feelings.  The truth is a lot of females don't know better.  They fear being vulnerable & have no self awareness.


I didn't know I could say "I love you my sister & I want the best for you, but I can't share a lifelong friendship with you if you're not right within."  I didn't know how to say "I offered you friendship & in return you've hurt me deeply" or "I opened myself up to you but you've disrespected me as a woman & dogged me behind my back".  


We can expect women to treat each other very well but it doesn't always work out that way.  This is why women fall back from hanging around other women.  You know other women will find a way to tell you what was said about you behind your back & charge that battery in you so you can set it off.  Sometimes we really don't know the best way to handle each other as women.  


I'm just as guilty so to any woman I've hurt, I sincerely apologize for expecting you to be *IN MY HEAD*.  I expected you to know that I was hurting inside from your betrayal, lack of support & compassion.  Always trying to one up me when I needed you most was really hurtful.  I need genuine friendships not someone who will compete with me over meaningless things in life.

Sometimes we need these life lessons to learn & grow, but we also need to communicate with one another from a sincere place of love.  As women we can give advice that may not be the best or most encouraging.  Only through love will we understand that we come into each other's lives to ignite a spark that will allow us to shine our own special light from within.  

We must handle each other with care & do it in a way that is courageous yet encouraging.  We must push for peace not pain.  We should be feeding each other's souls not taking advantage by bleeding our kindness & love dry.  We should add value to each other's lives & not make each other feel less than or worthless.  

We must push a movement of sisterhood with such a loving force that negativity cannot penetrate out of our hearts or minds. I stand here today unapologetic for the woman I've become but I do apologize to the women I have hurt along the way.  That is not who I truly am or who I desire to be.  My goal is to be a better soul with each day that I live whether I become your lesson or your blessing, it is the sisterhood that will offer healing.  

In some ways we are every single woman that we've said good or bad things about.  I am every single woman I've pointed a finger at or pushed their finger away from being pointed at me.  I am who I judged.  I am who I was fair with or respected & disrespected. 


We all need the sisterhood to survive & thrive in this world.  The sisterhood is a real movement for life that will be passed onto little girls generations after we've passed on.  We need sisterhood for support as well as encouragement to become that phenomenal woman that we are all capable of being.
 
The woman I am has taught me that I am no better or more special than other women.  I am filled with gratitude for this lesson but I am also filled with the courage it will take to become another woman's blessing.  I speak my truth so that other women can empower themselves.  Life is about growth & it begins with building a real sisterhood. 
We are powerful!  We matter!  We need each other!

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