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Friday, August 31, 2012

SUMMER THOUGHTS


As I leaned over just baking in the extreme heat of summer, my thoughts caused my mind to drift, my spirit to float & my soul to soak life up like a wet sponge.  
Nope! I wish but I'm not in the South of France enjoying vacation.  It occurs to me that I am definitely "IN MY HEAD" right now, as I lean my forearm on hot red bricks as if I don't feel the burn. 

I feel the scorching heat & the burn, just like my thoughts it carried a strong energy that left me heated yet cool & calm.  These are the times were my spirit speaks to my heart & allows my peace to be still.

As I stand still to watch my son play in the park.  Inside of me there is a strong sense of satisfaction in knowing he specifically chose me.  I feel honored yet strong & fearless about who I am as a mother.  

Never taking my eyes off of him as I calmly think thoughts about my life.  I wonder what this stage is called.  I think about how well I am handling the highs & lows.   There is a calm strength within me that assures me this is exactly where I am suppose to be, doing exactly what I am suppose to be doing.  

My mind is focused on the strength of mothers. I'll never forget being called a horrible mother.   It pierced my soul something awful! It was my first time being a mom.  I didn't know what postpartum depression was I just knew that my spirit was broken & my sadness was heavy. 

We accept unimaginable things when we do not know our true worth.  The lesson in that experience for me was that your children are the truth.  Their eyes and heart speak truth.  My self esteem fed off their love. 

Today I bask in the sun like I bask within the joy I create......NO REGRETS.  If  life is going to hurt then I want to grip the lesson in that pain.  If life is going to heal then I want to freely embrace all the joy in it.  

It feels empowering to get life lessons & figure out how to apply them daily.

YOU ARE THE SUPERHERO YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR

We are all the universal creator's masterpiece, so find your light & shine it on this world fearlessly!  There are two things that inspire me in this world. The miracle of life itself & how human beings live out their lives.  I truly understand all of our wrongs & all of our rights.  I may know your names & see your faces but I do not know your stories. I still have faith in every human being because I haven't met one who doesn't possess greatness.

I especially ADORE women because of the special sisterhood we share. Funny thing is I've looked at women, either friends or strangers & the response at times can be, "what are you looking at??"  

*IN MY HEAD*, my thinking is that I'm looking at beautiful design & a masterpiece to treasure always. 

I could care less what expensive bag you bought, if your hair & nails are perfect or which designer you’re wearing.  Women are so busy patching up what's on the outside that they forget to just be themselves.  If you pay attention you will truly see me as a woman & beautiful spirit who is simply acknowledging women with respect for our sisterhood. 


Allow your authentic beauty to shine because you were born unique & beautiful.  Laugh out loud at life & never let this world define you.  There can be such a loving spirit & energy in a woman who is living & loving her personal truth. Women are divine in countless ways that inspires me daily. 


Just look at us from the crown of our beautiful heads to the sole of hardship upon our feet.  We are angelic warriors who conquer & win our battles in life.  We are grace under tremendous pressure & we should nurture our greatness with self love every single day.

Never allow life to make you feel like you can’t change or bounce back.  It is possible to let go of hurt.  LIVE it, LOVE it & LAUGH about it as you lift yourself up & out of the impossible!  We all have our issues.  Sometimes we have to step back & not get too caught up with personal or negative feelings towards each other as women.  We can agree to disagree with love for one another & wish each other well as we continue on a positive path. 


When the expectation is negativity towards each other, remember we all have a story.  A woman can appear to have it all & be stunning but she is truly a rag doll inside.  She can be so well put together, yet  she’s falling apart & deeply hurt.  She can have her head on straight & successful, but is damaged within.  As women we will go through the fire pits of life but we can escape & survive it.  That is what becoming renewed means, to redefine & relive life at our best!

Invest in your worth & you'll transform into the unimaginable, who will appreciate the true beauty & worth in ALL women. I’ve been disappointed in women because we are so much better than how we are living sometimes, BUT I never hold hate for women, I just continue to hope for women to win.

We must dance, sing & laugh to save ourselves from anything that will break us down instead of building us up.  You are never alone in this world.  Somebody shares your laughter, your story, your joy, your pain, your struggle or your victory.  There is nothing you have gone through or will experience that another human being on this earth cannot relate, feel or understand about you.  


As women our goal is not to just survive.  Our goal is to thrive like the true queens that we are meant to be.  You just need to allow your true warrior spirit to push you ahead in order for you to become a winner within your own life.  The only person that you are waiting for to shine is you!  


We are our own superheros who were designed & gifted with an inner strength & power to save ourselves.  

Thursday, August 30, 2012

A GOOD MAN


In my most proud, sincere & loving tone, with respect for every woman who struggles with finding a good man, they really do exist.

A good man is moved by faith not by sight.  He has a daily work routine.  He calls, emails & texts to communicate throughout his day.  He likes to share his highs & lows, so his woman can either cheer his accomplishments or encourage him to keep his head up.

A good man knows family comes first so he does his best to come home after work & only works extra hours if it doesn't interfere with family.  He agrees with his woman on what the goals, dreams & priorities are within his relationship & will work hard to accomplish them.  

A good man doesn't wait for a call from his woman to check on his family.  He shows off his family to the world.  He supports & will take the kids to their activities to spend quality time.  He is proud of his family & will break his neck to provide.

A good man says good morning beautiful & I love you every single day,  just as a reminder of how he feels about the choice he made in his woman.  Anything that can hurt their bond or love is usually the first thing he's willing to discuss & work at so they can grow as a family. 

When he's at his worst, his good woman will be his absolute best foot forward!  When in a good space or ready & willing to work hard at growth to become a better human being, a good man will be right where he is suppose to be, in the midst of your love, affection, support & encouragement.

The reality is that it usually takes years of sacrifice & hard work for him to become that good man you deserve.  He must find himself before he can find you.  A good man is a friend first, so never try to control, change or tear him down for his flaws, issues or problems.  

Never fear standing alone if a man won't show that you're worth his time, commitment & sacrifice.  Always focus on your worth by staying true to who you are.  Don't seek perfection, simply pay attention to his character & potential. 

A good man's truest desire is to become what the world has said that men cannot be.  When you meet your good man, it will be a long road of learning each other & creating a peaceful balance in your lives, but you will be blessed for it! 

Most men will stumble & fall, so it will take a good woman of strength, who truly understands her worth to bring balance into his world.  You don't have to carry him but should he every need you to, trust that your arms will always be strong enough.

Love is a beautiful thing that we all deserve but if a man is not ready or right within,  you must focus on self love to create & maintain personal joy within your life. 

When your good man comes along, understand that you were LOVE long before you met.  Never doubt your potential or worth.  Love your good man but never live for the love of your good man.  

It must be the right kind of love & balance with your good man or the love just won’t work.  A good man is not hard to find.  A good man is within every man.

It will take a real good woman of strength, courage & self worth to discover A GOOD MAN! 

Sincerely,

~A Good Woman 

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

THE MEANING OF FRIENDSHIP

If you don't breathe love into your friendships then it will have no life.  If you do not water your friendship with truth, then it will never grow & blossom.  If there is too much love lost & truth untold, then the meaning & purpose of being a friend & offering friendship will be lost.  

Friendship is a word that had to grow on me because I never seek out friendships.  I met my best friend in the 6th grade (over 27years ago) & she already had a best friend that she was very close with.  I was in a new environment at a new school so everybody was a stranger to me.  For some odd reason I was drawn to her & felt an energy that gave me a true sense of comfort whenever I was around her.  


I have had a few experiences with friends which has taught me so many lessons about who I am & who I can become.  Anybody can be a good friend but being a great or best friend means so much more.  I had to learn how to be a great & best friend.  I did it by just being myself with a take me as I am attitude because who I am will love & protect you always.  


I also learned that I see & define friendship a little differently than some of the friends I've had over the years.  Truth be told I'm an introvert at heart.  I could stay quiet among a crowd & just think all of the quirky thoughts *IN MY HEAD* for hours & then write them out later.  I also come from a large family with too many cousins to count, so I already had countless friends from an early age.  


I do keep a healthy distance from people, but I will allow them to lead the way so I can see who they really are.  If people want to be my friend I always welcome their friendship.  I would never be rude or shut people out without learning them.  I never seek out friendships because I know that I don't take it lightly.  I play by my own rules according to the standards that I've set.  I'm who I am but I never push who I am onto others because it wouldn't be fair.


Getting close to me & being my friend at times may not be the easiest thing.  I'm not difficult or complicated, I've just dealt with enough people to know that everybody's friendship may not fit my life or be required during different stages within life.  If I'm suppose to be friends with someone it will happen no matter what & it will be right on time.  


Friendships are not by coincidence.  There is truly a reason & purpose for every friend in your life.  If I'm around people & I am not learning or growing then I will feel stuck.  I want productive & purpose filled friendships, where we can lift each other's worth up to new heights.  I want to see my friends soar & reach for the stars.  I don't want to deal with time thieves who want to pour their energy into meaningless things.


Friendships should happen naturally because the right people always connect at the right time.  People define friendships in their own way so everyone will not have the same expectations.  If you struggle with being genuine & transparent then I fall back from the friendship.  


Sad but true that many times I would fall *wayyyy* back without saying a word or any communication.  It was done out of pure frustration with friends.  I'm not a teenager & at a certain age we all should have a clear idea of how to treat a friend.  Cross me once & you may not find me to cross me twice.  I don't play games.  I keep it positive but I sure do keep it moving!  

It is not what you say, it is what I see in your actions.  I set the bar high & continue to raise it on all of my friendships because I want to offer the best of who I am to others.  That is what a true friend should have & deserve, nothing less.  People offer external things but what I'm offering comes from within, so I know the value & worth of my friendship.  


Everybody can't or won't offer the kind of friendship you need.  Accepting any kind of friendship from any & everybody will always leave the friendship scale unbalanced.  When you enter into friendships the one question you should have an answer to is, how valuable is your time?  

Friends fill up your time so if you have a busy & hectic life you may not have too much time to offer a whole bunch of friends.  The problem with this is that they will eventually become your family so you must choose wisely & communicate honestly.

Let me tell you what my definition of friendship really means because I've seen people do some crazy stuff to each other.  I've been blown away by some of the things "friends" say about each other & what they put their friends through.  I'm sorry but it just does not add up on my calculator!

  
"Either you're for me or you're in my way." ~Quashie
I've learned the meaning of friendship from my mother who has countless true blue lifetime friends. Her friends are now her family & they are from all over this world.  They have been in her life & were showing her love, long before I was born.  All of her friends can call her & she will be right there by their side. 
Her friends are the real deal because my mother is the truth!  She may hurt your feelings once in a while because she is not going to *BS* you, but she will go all out for her friends.  The truth will hurt but it will also free you & lead you towards love.  That's my mother in a nutshell!
Her friends have looked out for me & my siblings as if they brought us into this world.  Because of the kind of sisterhood & brotherhood type of relationships that my mother has created through friendships, it is impossible for me & mine to ever be alone in this world.  I guarantee you that we will always be well taken care of because this is how my mother has treated her friends & this is how her friends treat her.
Her friendships are not perfect where they don't have disagreements & don't see eye to eye, but the level of mutual respect is so high that their bond of friendship is unbreakable.  They respect my mother! They respect her husband!  They respect her children!  They love & respect her & she offers them the same.  This is the meaning of friendship.
My mother's friends have been in her life so long that they have changed my diapers & my children's diapers!  If I was to lose everything I've worked so hard for tomorrow,  I would still have doors opened wide to welcome me & my family in with open arms.  The guest rooms would be cleaned, beds made, table set for us to be fed & the clothes would be laid out to cover our backs.  *TRUTH*

When I think of friendships I think of all of the people that walked into my life & made it so much better.  They are too many too count & post pics of but they are all very special friends.  I think of the growth & progress I've made because they loved me enough to tell me the truth about myself.  I think of how my children are their children & their children are mine.  

Intention is so important.  Never use the word friendship loosely or take friendship lightly.  Either love people genuinely with the best intention for them & their family or leave them alone.

BINDU'S DAILY CHECKLIST

My daily checklist must include the following things!


Someone to cherish with love & affection......CHECK!


Something passionate & POSITIVE to do......CHECK!


Something AMAZING to look forward to.......CHECK!

ALWAYS creating my own happiness............CHECK!

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN


There are some people who I love out of this world & I would absolutely love to have a close relationship with them, but I cannot.  I can't seem to build on our relationship as family & close friends because they don't seem to screen the people they allow into their lives.  At this stage in my life I really know who I am so I'm not willing to sacrifice my peace of mind for "WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN"!

My life has never been & never will be a free for all.  Allowing people to enter my life who I cannot gel with or at the very least be wise enough to stay in their lane, is simply way out of my comfort zone.  Everybody can't have access to speak to me any kind of way or treat me any kind of way.  Trying to suck me into your hot mess will only force my hand to cook your stew & feed it to you piping hot.  My life does not work that way & I plan to stay in flow.  We all should because a huge part of life is about respect.


We do not need to bond & have "Kum Ba Yah" moments, but if you come into my life then you need to come correct & stay that way, because that is what I am offering you.  Leave your baggage on the porch before you enter my door!  My philosophy is what other people do in their lives is their business until it trickles over into mine.  


Whoever you are related to, close friends with or interact with on a regular basis must be screened.  You should be able to get a good sense of whether or not they are right within.  In other words fall back & don't say much but watch them.  It is only a matter of time before their truth becomes very clear to you.


I watch people like a movie premier because I just know they are going to entertain me.  I don't really gamble but that is one bet I am willing to make because I know that I will not lose & they will not disappoint me at all.  Pay close attention to how people behave, conduct themselves, treat, react & respond to others.  Some people have a sly way of inviting you into their dysfunction & I'm not the one!


First of all I can't stand the "snake oil salesman" approach to connecting with people.  You don't need to tell me who you are because I see you!  You can't speed pass me because my intuitive radar gun is aimed right at you.  My red & blue lights will be flashing to pull you over!  Whoop! Whoop!


Don't sell yourself, just be yourself, that is what I need to see in you.  If all of the things people say about themselves never match how they carry & conduct themselves, then you know what kind of character you're dealing with.  Get ready for the performance of a lifetime because it's about to be showtime!  They are "always on"!


Everytime a CAT that I'm close to, care about or have to deal with because we're related goes out & drags their strays into my life, I always seem to get the not quite right vibe.  I get the kind of vibe that will stay on my heart, drain my spirit & rattle my soul.  I'm trying to keep my life simple so I can't allow strays to complicate it.  


People who are very close to me already know this about me.  As hard as I love, support & give my all in relationships, I will always be fair but never tolerate high levels of dysfunction.  I'm good for saying "I love you all, but you gotta go, he gotta go, she gotta go, send my love to the kids & take your strays with you!"  I keep it positive but I gotta keep it moving! *TRUTH*


At first I struggle to put my finger on it because the package & presentation of the strays looks so perfect.  Everything about these people seem great & too good to be true.  Everytime I've given them the benefit of the doubt they play me for a fool.  Strays are people I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole because their energy carries a really heavy & foul vibe.  


Their essence is straight manipulation & they are out for themselves.  Strays are the worst kind of people because you can sense that they were neglected, abandoned or escaped something that soiled their souls at such an early age that it destroyed their moral compass.  Never try to be "The Good Samaritan" because they will play you.  Life has taught me that I am nobody's savior & I'm not helping them when I try to be.  Only you can save yourself from yourself!  *TRUTH*


Wherever they go lives are ruined, hearts are broken & chaos is brewing.  They come into your life for blood, just to see you go down while they get off on it.  Now my issue with the cats is that they are usually family members & close friends that dragged their strays into my space of love & gratitude, either through friendships or marriage.  I don't need no kill joys in my life, so no thanks!


Some cats are so slow with being street smart that by the time they figure out that they made a poor choice in bringing strays into their lives it is too late.  Some cats are just attracted to dysfunction.  They can't get rid of their strays no matter how hard they try, so now everyone has to deal with the drama from what the cat dragged in.  


Strays have no home training.  Strays have no self respect.  Anything & everything goes when it comes to dealing with strays.  Strays are "always on" but if you play close attention you will catch them slipping up because they can't always turn off certain parts of their rugged & raw truth.  Their truth pops out at the worst time & can bring out the worst feelings from some of the best people.


Strays are great pretenders who come into people's lives to plant seeds of doubt, mistrust, fear & hatred.  They will set your home on fire & then when everything burns down to the ground they come & comfort you to feed off of your hurt.  They are the kind of people who always have to talk about who they are & what they've done for others because they need to sell themelves.


Good souls don't have this negative mindset.  Good souls come to create peace & unity.  Good souls carry pure love & affection with the strength to shut out negativity.  They desire to bring family together not tear them apart.  This is why your truth is so valuable.  You don't have to be perfect at all but you have to stand in your truth so people cannot enter your life to damage your relationships & break you down.


A huge lesson that I've learned & a message that I send to strays that either try to hide their foulness or are bold enough to put it on display is:


*MY SOUL IS TOO RIGHT FOR YOU TO WRONG IT* 

Monday, August 27, 2012

CLUB CHEATERS

Club cheaters is the only club I know that stays on & popping 24/7! It has a revolving door that will never close because it has way too much clientele. After people get all worked up over dealing with the issue of cheating they should really focus on healing. If you look a little deeper you will find the answers to why it happens in your life.

It's good to have some clarity & ask questions! Why do people keep cheating? Why do people put up with cheating? And why do people who cheat never want to be cheated on? Why is it such a major issue within relationships? Many people already know the answers to this but some will still head over to club cheaters to get their groove on.

Cheating is so old but still brand new to many people & always a hot topic in relationships. Men can't handle being cheated on. They lose their minds forever & a day! Women always want to know why they get cheated on, as if knowing all of the details will stop the pain. I'm convinced that women must love the torture!

It may bring some closure but wounds always seem to reopen or carry over into the next relationship. It is such a disrespectful & embarrassing blow to the ego that both men & women snap. I think it is worse for women because women tend to stay stuck in their pain a bit longer than men or maybe men pretend better than women because society doesn't encourage men to show their emotions & hurt feelings.

Cheating to women is the blade that can pierce the heart & break the spirit. Just the thought of being dogged out by the person they've invested their worth into will set women off! Who wants to cook, clean, run errands, go to work, cater to their partner's ego all the time, walk around holding hands like they are the only love & then find out they are being played for a fool? Nobody I know!

Cheating happens every single day but to women it is still unthinkable. Women cannot handle it or wrap their minds around it. Some women are patient & peaceful about it but most are not. Most women are coming for you if you cross them. Some come with the doghouse & a very short leash thinking they will train their partners into being faithful but others come with the straight smack down.

Yes ladies, that's our sad truth but healing is always an option, so there is some hope for us. A lot of women foolishly ask their partners to tell them the truth. WHY do we do this?????? Really?? This is when we should kick ourselves at least three times, because we know better but we still have to ask stupid questions & have the nerve to expect truth.

Your partner is too afraid to tell you the truth because women can't handle the truth! We keep pushing the issue so what happens is that women will get their partners version of *truth* in the form of a wish. Their partners wish that they had the courage to be brutally honest & say "No I'm not ready to be monogamous but I'd like to keep your around as the special one". What is crazy is when their partner says "Those other women don't mean a thing to me! You're special & they're not!!" Say what now?

My attitude is if you're comfortable bashing other women, what does that make you. Furthermore, what does that make me for feeling good about you disrespecting other women. How low is my worth in thinking I'm better because I'm special. Something doesn't add up when you're not special enough to be fed truth & given the utmost respect but you're special enough to be fed lies in order for your partner to appease you.

Too often many people convince themselves they are ready for relationships because they really wish that they could be faithful. It is just a wish because their truth is that they are not prepared or ready for the grunt work. When people are not ready they will gamble your love based on their wishes & they will trap you out of fear of losing you.

People need to give themselves time & not rush into the idea of love or being taken care of emotionally & sexually. I cannot speak for men nor do I speak for all women. What I can say from observation, many truthful conversations & personal experiences is that women hold onto cheating almost forever, a day & toss in some additional hours, minutes & seconds.

If men don’t think women have big egos that tick like a bomb they will eventually find out. Cheating is the flame that lights the fuse that detonates a bomb inside of a woman’s heart. If you are lucky, women will forgive but trust that women never forget. It is hard for them to cope with that kind of hurt. There are no rules for bouncing back & getting over pain quickly so they can trust all over again.

There is a pocket in their heart that holds the hurt endured from being cheated on. If a woman does not focus on healing the hurt, her emotions will fester like a sore that will get in the way of her daily life. She will be stressed out. Women can't focus at work, with the kids or simply enjoy life because that feeling of betrayal doesn't go away.

Also that crazy DNA in women is no joke because we can really lose our minds. Women become paranoid to the point of obsession when it comes to cheating because we have a natural alarm called intuition. That sensor just goes off & there is a strong knowing within in our hearts that tell us something is not quite right!

Once that alarm goes off, women have to investigate! The interrogation usually goes like this......You're busted!!!! I know you're cheating so just tell me right now!! Who is she??? Where is she from??? What does she look like??? Does your friends know her??? Was she in my car??? Did you bring her to our house????? Oh hell no!!!!!

Then women have a swat team of girlfriends to cosign on the madness instead of focusing on the healing process. We all have those "friends" who are always right on time to be a constant reminder about how our partners "ain't no good"! They pump our anger & frustration up to the next level until we stay stuck in being the victim.

Women enter the "He's gonna pay for this", "How could he do this to me?", "I gave him all of me" phase or the "I have done so much for him" mindset. We totally lose our precious minds. The worse part is after all of that crying, anger, stress, WE STAY!! Women will stay & end up right in the bitter zone!!!

*HELLO NOW........TRUTH!!!*

I think we stay hoping for change but then we have no control & unintentionally torture our partners. Then they can’t even go to the bathroom without a stop & frisk! (lol) A person who cheated will always be under surveillance until the woman heals the hurt or leaves her relationship. Until that happens it will be torture for everybody! It is not normal to police your relationship & nobody has time for that mess.

CLUB CHEATERS is not a closely guarded door to an exclusive private club. Everyone is or eventually will be in VIP toasting to the sad truth of getting their feelings hurt. Whether or not you choose to stay or leave, you have to focus on healing. This comes with learning your worth.

When people understand that the cheating is not about them, peace is created within their hearts. They can flow forward with their joy in living a beautiful life knowing that they are & always will be valuable. People make poor choices, lack discipline & self control every day but there is hope in healing.

You are not defined by cheating or by being cheated on. Cheating on people is an ego driven behavior. It is just a HUGE red flag that you need to heal from something that you haven't dealt with & it is time to grow up. People who stay in relationships where they accept being cheated on means you're giving into to your darkest fears of being alone.

Flying solo, letting go & moving forward without the person you love may be too heavy to cope with. The truth is that the issue with cheating is about the cheater first & their partner who expects it, allows it or think they are strong enough to fix it. Whatever truth they are in denial about or trying to escape will always be exposed so just focus on healing yourself & creating a stress free life.

Sometimes people are not brave. It takes courage to say I want to have my cake & eat it too, I want to date other people & still be with you, I want to play the field & come home to a warm meal, or I want & need to move forward with my life but do not know how to leave without hurting you. Why is this hard because nobody will want the short end of the stick. It is so unfair.

Truthful communication works when everyone is open to speaking & receiving truth. You must trust yourself to create a plan for your life that serves you best. Do this knowing that you are capable of making decisions that you can live with free of shame & regret. What your partner does, how they treat you & what you tolerate or accept from them is a reflection of your fears & how valuable you believe you are.

Everything in your life is about how you see yourself. Are you seeing someone who is strong, powerful & worthy or do you feel devalued & unworthy of real love? Know your worth.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

THIS IS WHAT I DO

There will be many times in your life where you will need me for so many things. I know you desire to stand tall, do for yourself & be your own person. You may think how can I ask for anything when so much has been done for me. You may need me to show up, place a call, give a hug, a smile, offer comfort & provide support.

*This is what I do*

When that time comes & it surely will, I want you to know it is already done. Understand that before you ask, you were already thought of, so it is already offered, already given & already taken care of.

*This is what I do*

Lay your burdens down at my feet so I can wash your troubles away. I will lighten your heavy load to clear your path. When you don't understand life as you're bending your back & breaking your neck, trust in me. Trust that everything will be alright because I have been fully trained for this. I am skilled at loving you unconditionally.

*This is what I do*

Truthful communication is the best approach & a loving response will be the remedy for healing. You will make mistakes. You will fall & fail but I've been blessed with the most important role & responsibility a person can have. My purpose is to love you through it all. I will be firm in truth, firm in love & firm in faith of the greatness you will become. I will never doubt you only lift you up in love.

This is what I do!

Family is everything & the only thing that truly matters. The legacy I will leave behind is love & affection. I will always give the kind of love that sticks with you, leaving an imprint that never leaves but only heals you. My reward is pure joy in loving you.

*This is what I do*

Let that love trickle down into stories that will warm the hearts of the souls you connect with, fall in love with & share family with. I want everyone that is an extension of me to know that I am pure love. That is my wish for you. I love you unconditionally until eternity. Always have & always will.

*This is what I do*

Friday, August 24, 2012

REAL WOMANHOOD

Speaking from the purest place within my heart I can say that I am so glad to be a woman who truly loves women.  I look up to & admire women.  I respect & appreciate women.  

I cherish women because we hold the key to life.  I support the truth within women BUT as a woman I have to tug on some truth & acknowledge that becoming a real woman is a process of growth & maturity that many females are not prepared for.  


You cannot help women who choose to stay stuck & set in their ways, but you can be a positive example of what real womanhood represents.  It is very rare for me to argue with other women because I've always stayed in my lane & never placed myself in the mix of drama.  I choose to not cosign on intentionally hurting other women or running in circles & cliques.


I'm not sure if history is repeating itself but it seems like there are too many women who will not speak their truth.  Women rarely share their tough life lessons in a way that will offer wisdom to other women who need some guidance, support & truth.


Some choose to hide who they really are.  They cheer the good while they cover up the bad.  Some women choose to play the game instead of playing by the rules.  Some ride the coattails of others & some just straddle the fence in life.  I felt like I was thrust forward into my womanhood as a wake up call.  My only options were to sink or swim! 


Sharing truth is not easy but something as simple as honest communication while using some form of constructive criticism can plant the right seeds into women for healing.  Once healed then those lessons can be shared & passed onto other women.  Truth is what the sisterhood will need in order for us to grow gracefully into real womanhood.  
We can heal when we are ready to stop sending out invitations for negativity.  We can heal when we shed our personal drama & stand firmly upon our worth.  We show how worthy we are when we consider how another woman may feel in certain situations & why  or how she ended up in her situation.  That is simple compassion that I had to learn after taking the time to understand some of the beautiful women who have crossed my path.

The truth is that women are tough on other women.  I know I am but in a *TOUGH LOVE* kind of way.  I'm tough on women & women are just as tough on me.  It is done with real positive intentions for us to better ourselves.  I agree that we should be tough on each other, not to judge but to push the growth & healing process along.  


This can be tough because in order to try to show compassion, not point fingers, go on the attack, not be passive aggressive & judge, you have to be ready to grow into real woman.  That means being wiser, stronger & a bigger & better person during those times when you want to "snap, crackle & pop" the mess outta somebody!  

To achieve this you need the right tools & must know how to use them to be prepared for womanhood.  Some of us think we are ready but we have a long road ahead of us.  I know because I'm traveling that same path & at times I do get weary.  From an evolving woman's perspective & my very personal experience, far too often we call ourselves women yet we do things that will stunt our personal growth. 
Sometimes our truth is beautiful & can make a joyful noise.  Sometimes our truth can be so ugly it will ruin the trust & love in our friendships.  Those moments of truth are lessons that occur for a specific reason within our lives.  Even when we know better we can still behave in a really immature way.  

At times we can be childish & petty in a way that can hold us back from blossoming within our friendships, relationships & from genuinely connecting or networking with other amazing women.  We need to dig a little deeper so that we can  learn ourselves & those who we connect or interact with for the purpose of growth, not just for a good time.



I've seen & experienced so many traits within women, so I don't know of one woman who hasn't done wrong to another women.   I know some amazing women with the purest hearts but when women have foul intentions, it takes a whole lot for other women not to flip out!  

Women tend to have problems because they do not have that raw honest & loving communication with one another.  When they do somebody will usually avoid confrontation, become defensive, be in denial, a straight up liar or go into victim mode.  The "poor little me" syndrome is so toxic, especially when you keep repeating mistakes that are harmful to your personal growth.

  
Even the sweetest most evolved women with the best intentions may react in a way that is harsh, rude, offensive, hurtful or petty.  
Sometimes it is too exhausting to keep on checking slick people who creep into your lane & don't know how to act.  They are usually hurtful, disrespectful & do not want to understand what it means to have boundaries. 

Some women are foul & do things intentionally but other women are not foul.  Some are just immature because they have no idea of how to sincerely express themselves in a healthy & positive way.  Nobody will ever be perfect in this world so there is no perfect woman.  
We are all teaching each other something about life with each connection we make. 

When we as women become numb to a lot of issues among each other then it will cause the sisterhood to become shaky.  What we do will trickle down the line.  We should come into each other's lives to build a solid foundation, not to create cracks or be flaky with one another.  I use to be called the cut off queen because I have no tolerance for *BS*.  I struggle with the *FFX* fakery, foolywang or any kind of XTRA behavior. 


I decided to reflect on the way that I've been judged, misjudged, treated & mistreated by women.  It actually inspired me to share this truth, not to knock women but to make women more aware of how we can easily project our views & issues onto each other without learning another woman's truth.  We all do this from time to time & it is not okay.


It is only fair that I start with myself first.  I do feel the need to humble myself in a way where other women can understand where I am coming from.  Sometimes I look back on how I handled certain situations with women I loved, didn't love, knew or didn't get the chance to truly know & I felt the need to apologize. 

Today I offer an apology to women because I now understand how easy it is to fall into the trap of negative behavior towards other women.  I may not get to say how truly sorry I am face to face or even remember exactly why I had a falling out but I can choose to do better right now.  The crazy thing about us as women is as long as we feel we were wronged by someone else, then we will always be right!

I can't do anything about the past, but what I can do is use this blog as platform to humble myself.  Doing this has shown me that I've grown tremendously on my path to real womanhood.  I'm a much better woman today because I questioned my actions, intentions, behavior & reaction towards other women so I can heal.  I am standing in my truth & feeling real free to be me!  

*LOVE IT*
Some situations don't require being defensive or the big put down.  There doesn't have to be yelling, screaming, backstabbing, gossiping, not speaking, ignoring or going out of our way to distance ourselves from other women.  
We do it all the time.  We do it so much that we are quick to find other women to cosign on our behavior & choose sides.  Isn't that what little girls do?  All that does is create negative vibes & awkward energy when in the company of other women.

I've learned so much about myself & while I know I am a good woman, I've fallen short when it comes to doing right by certain women.  The only reason I do reflect a little bit is not to dwell on the past but to apply my lessons.  I've come to realize that I was still just "THE LITTLE GIRL WITHIN" in so many situations.  

I was not yet a real woman so I was immature.  I ignored, did nothing, said nothing or simply walked away from dealing with certain women.  I wasn't mature enough to not hold a grudge, be petty, childish & judgmental.  I wasn't courageous enough to speak my truth without being afraid to hurt another woman's feelings.  The truth is a lot of females don't know better.  They fear being vulnerable & have no self awareness.


I didn't know I could say "I love you my sister & I want the best for you, but I can't share a lifelong friendship with you if you're not right within."  I didn't know how to say "I offered you friendship & in return you've hurt me deeply" or "I opened myself up to you but you've disrespected me as a woman & dogged me behind my back".  


We can expect women to treat each other very well but it doesn't always work out that way.  This is why women fall back from hanging around other women.  You know other women will find a way to tell you what was said about you behind your back & charge that battery in you so you can set it off.  Sometimes we really don't know the best way to handle each other as women.  


I'm just as guilty so to any woman I've hurt, I sincerely apologize for expecting you to be *IN MY HEAD*.  I expected you to know that I was hurting inside from your betrayal, lack of support & compassion.  Always trying to one up me when I needed you most was really hurtful.  I need genuine friendships not someone who will compete with me over meaningless things in life.

Sometimes we need these life lessons to learn & grow, but we also need to communicate with one another from a sincere place of love.  As women we can give advice that may not be the best or most encouraging.  Only through love will we understand that we come into each other's lives to ignite a spark that will allow us to shine our own special light from within.  

We must handle each other with care & do it in a way that is courageous yet encouraging.  We must push for peace not pain.  We should be feeding each other's souls not taking advantage by bleeding our kindness & love dry.  We should add value to each other's lives & not make each other feel less than or worthless.  

We must push a movement of sisterhood with such a loving force that negativity cannot penetrate out of our hearts or minds. I stand here today unapologetic for the woman I've become but I do apologize to the women I have hurt along the way.  That is not who I truly am or who I desire to be.  My goal is to be a better soul with each day that I live whether I become your lesson or your blessing, it is the sisterhood that will offer healing.  

In some ways we are every single woman that we've said good or bad things about.  I am every single woman I've pointed a finger at or pushed their finger away from being pointed at me.  I am who I judged.  I am who I was fair with or respected & disrespected. 


We all need the sisterhood to survive & thrive in this world.  The sisterhood is a real movement for life that will be passed onto little girls generations after we've passed on.  We need sisterhood for support as well as encouragement to become that phenomenal woman that we are all capable of being.
 
The woman I am has taught me that I am no better or more special than other women.  I am filled with gratitude for this lesson but I am also filled with the courage it will take to become another woman's blessing.  I speak my truth so that other women can empower themselves.  Life is about growth & it begins with building a real sisterhood. 
We are powerful!  We matter!  We need each other!

Thursday, August 23, 2012

TRANSFORMATION

We all will be transformed by life.  Some things you can prepare for & the rest you must figure out the best way for you to flow forward.  I know I have truly been transformed in the most amazing ways through love.  I've made it this far by questioning everything & starting a spiritual journey of self discovery. 

I need answers in this lifetime & beyond.  It is my inner knowing that fills me with faith & the ability to pride myself in love.  I can tell you how powerful self love truly is because I am living in a space of love & gratitude.  My love is an intentional seed planted so that my spirit & soul can grow.  


Transformation will usually occur during a crisis in our lives.  If you get the lessons then you will gain the discipline needed to raise the bar on yourself.  The end result will lead you to knowing that you are worthy.  During any crisis the best thing to do is allow your peace to be still so you can become calm enough to sort your life out.  The goal is to learn the lessons & overcome the obstacles.  If you stay open to life then transformation will lead you into the belly of love where you will not only learn who you are but also what you are made of.


I was always nervous about being asked one particular question in life.  That question is WHO ARE YOU?  That question use to freak me out for some reason to the point where *IN MY HEAD* I would think what kind of question is that to ask somebody?  We are so many things at various stages within our lives, so how can I possibly sum up who I am & give a good enough answer?  


I am a handful at times but mostly in a good way!  Sometimes I'm rough around the edges in a very sharp & prickly kind of way.  I'm also goofy & quirky too.  I can be serious & focused or just all over the place.  I am so many things.  I don't know all of the answers & I may not know the right questions to ask sometimes.  I have so much to learn in life so how would I know exactly who I am?  I had to go into the only place I knew to find the answer to that question, that place is within the belly of love.  


One of the greatest lessons life has taught me is that I do get to choose.  If I don't like my choices or life's options, I get to create what I desire for my life.  Now I do have to work very hard, with some blood sweat & tears but I can do it!  I get to define myself.  I get to decide how I choose to handle all of the cards that life has dealt & will continue to deal me.  What an amazing discovery in knowing that every single thing about my life has absolutely nothing to do with external factors.  


The external part of who I am is simply a reflection of what is inside of me, so I must look within to find the real answers in order to make wiser choices.  At this stage of my life, whenever I’m asked “who are you?” I say “LOVE & AFFECTION”.  I know this to be true because that is the emotion that overcomes me daily.


My world could be falling apart & I still feel loving energy pour out from my soul.  That is when I am reminded that EVERYTHING will work out in my favor.  I have given life my all.  I have given life my heart & soul.  Transformation is the path we take when we enter the belly of love to discover who we are.  


In love you will be powerful & secure.  In love you will find self worth & your lost self-esteem.  When you understand that true self-love is your power & your gift, your warrior spirit will navigate life for you.  You can flow forward as you live in a peaceful space of gratitude filled with real love!  This is what being transformed for the better will do for you.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

DILEMMA -Relationship Truth

It truly seems that one of the hardest things to do in this world is break up, walk away from or end relationships with other people.  Sometimes we will play emotional ping pong for years before saying it's no longer working for us, enough is enough, this is becoming unhealthy or we're just not happy.  People will hang in there even after arguments, fights, cheating, disrespect, humiliation & depression.  

I know at least 30 people who talk a good game about leaving their relationships.  Some feel emotionally & financially trapped by their partners, others are truly hurting yet trapped inside of their own fears & the rest love to complain but are just full of *BS* because they are in it until the very end of time.  The ones who are in it *forever* know that it does become harder to leave when you've put so much into it or sacrificed so much for it.  Living together, marriage, children & building a family will make it that much harder.


It seems that people become so wrapped up in their lives that they forget that their relationship may not last "always & forever" so they hang onto the idea of being a couple.  A lot of couples don't believe in ending relationships or breaking up the family.  Some fear failure & humiliation because they allow everyone outside of their relationship to brand them as "couple of a lifetime".  People live through the romance & idea of true love birds creating a family unit that will live "Happily Ever After".  


That happiness does exist but it will cost you.  Getting two minds to think, feel & heal as one is really a heavy duty to handle.  People change as their situation changes so in order to keep the love & happiness alive you have to recreate it over & over until the end of time.  You must be willing to sacrifice a whole lot more than you thought about or bargained for.  


Everybody is chasing the idea of love but the truth is that not everybody is built for it.  Everyone cannot & will not be capable of being 100% supportive. Everyone cannot & will not give their time, money, energy selflessly forever.  At some point everyone will become tired if there is not continuous trust, growth, healing & a positive change within the relationship.  There are a lot of needs to be met & it will take two partners working for the same team!


Whatever part of your life & yourself that you are willing to sacrifice is what should be on your mind not all of the sweet stuff.  Brand new love is always sugar & honey but it is the weight of the long haul that can pull relationships down.  The real love lessons will come for you because that's the way real love goes!  Love means hard work & if you are willing to stay on the same page, when you put in a lifetime of hard work then real love will last whether people stay together or end their relationship.  


If you can't handle heartbreak or when the going gets tough then your love will be cut short & the love will fizzle out.  People change, grow apart or feel betrayed.  They may get turned off & discover things that push them away.  Some people connect with someone new that they think may fulfill them more or at least enough to let go of the past.  You just never know how your happily ever after will end.   At times relationships may feel like Russian roulette, just "a lethal game of chance".


People stay where they are no longer desired, welcomed, needed or fulfilled for so many reasons.  That quote about "If you love somebody, let them go" is very misleading because people are not trying to let go or move on that easily.  They feel like they've invested too much & expect a return on their investment.  People who let go truly are selfless & willing to take the loss but those people are rare. Most people have big egos that will not go down without a fight.


We are good & quick with coming up for a millions reasons why we are still stuck & haven't moved on.  People can be unhappy in their relationships but will stay because they feel bad & don't want to hurt the person they love.  Some stay because it really is cheaper to keep her or him.  Some hold out for the sake of the kids, so now everybody is miserable or pretending.  


When relationships seem too happy & perfect that means either it is brand new, one or both partners are suffering & sacrificing or they really are meant for each other.  Happy couples do exist but perfect couples are just a myth.  When you start saying things like "I can't stand you", "Please don't touch me or my stuff!", "What are you doing upstairs cause downstairs is your living space" or "please don't bring your dates around my kids", well that means you are deep into your lessons.  


Some people really have a dilemma when they jump ship then go back & forth between the person they are in a relationship with & the person they want to be in a relationship with.  They either feel conflicted or may decide to have their cake & eat it too.  Some people are in abusive relationships that need to end like yesterday but can't find the strength or courage to leave.  I know some who are just lazy & will stick around to be taken care of.  


One relationship truth is that you really need a back up plan to get your life in order because you never know.  Life is not written from a storybook perspective. People really struggle with moving on, letting go, walking away & ending their relationships.  


Life lessons & signs are always in our face.  Your eyes, mind, heart, body & soul will send you signals that it is time to end it but as human beings we listen to all of the other messages when we are not ready or are stuck in our fears.  


If your relationship doesn't bring you love, peace & beautiful blessings then you need to get the lessons so you can live a happier & fulfilling life.  Take a deep breath then allow your peace to be very still & take life one day at a time.  Pace your love, pace your relationship & pace your life.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

ALWAYS ON

We have tons of distractions that we can use to camouflage our truth.  This is part of the reason why so many people are "ALWAYS ON".  It doesn't matter what you portray because your true self will come up for air.  It will rise to the surface & show your truth.  Whenever we are putting on so many different airs, we can never truly be our whole selves while stuck in our own pretense.  When the obvious seems to go unnoticed, unmentioned or simply ignored this means we must scale down to get a closer view of what is actually right in front of our face.  

Those moments when we lose ourselves is when we turn our "IT" on as a defense mechanism.  When our "IT" is "ALWAYS ON" we produce a smoke screen that can create internal & external chaos.  Chaos is usually the perfect opportunity for misdirection.  Misdirection is when so much goes unnoticed because we've been able to keep everyone's attention on something else.  


I notice that we put our character on front street but then we want to keep our personal lives private.  It's like putting your character on trial & then looking for ways to escape your trial out of fear.  We have a fear of people coming into our lives with ill intentions & being foul.  We have a fear of people judging us & discovering that we really are insecure.  Hey sometimes we all feel like we are not good enough to measure up to the idea of who or whatever we compare ourselves to.  


The worst people who are always on are those who pretend to be happy like their life is really great.  That's a tough lesson in fear!  We fear dealing with some of the foul things we've done at some point in our lives.  We have a fear of change.  We live in fear of all of our wrong doing & choices being noticed or pointed out so we pretend & defend what we've hidden by always being on.  


This is the main reason I don't like titles or labels.  I'm wise enough to understand that I'm evolving & learning my lessons so who I am right now is not who I will be tomorrow unless I choose to stunt my growth.  The character I've grown into will change so my focus should be about adapting to change so I can embrace each brand new shift & transition that will occur.  


You cannot avoid change & you're not learning any life lessons by pretending your way through life, trying to be perfect or living in fear of anything.  I've learned that what a lot of people struggle with is not knowing how to turn their "IT" off.  Whatever their "IT"is will consume them & that is why they are "ALWAYS ON".   


You can't always be on & think that you can actually stand in your truth.  You can't always be on & think that you can believe, receive or accept truth.   When you are "ALWAYS ON", this means you are afraid to separate your shame by being your true self around others.  It means you're trapped in the fear of allowing your insecurities & weaknesses to be under scrutiny.  


At some point we are all damaged & infected souls but there is healing in cleansing ourselves from within.  People who are always on are easily frustrated & carry a level of hostility because they have deeper issues that have not been dealt with.  They drain their own energy from pretending so hard.  That's like wearing a costume all day long, eventually you will get hot & bothered.  Trust & believe those feelings or issues will find a way to manifest within your life.  


This is why others can see & point out something in us that we miss or don't want to see within ourselves.  It means all or some part of who we truly are along with our experience is heavily armed & very guarded.  I've seen people hide their truth from their children, their parents, their coworkers, their friends & strangers.  What they are really doing is hiding from themselves.  You can't escape who you are but you can make changes that place you on a better path to loving the person you've become.


People talk about being "the truth" & "keeping it real" & then something about them is exposed. I just live & learn because I know life is teaching us so much that every time we think we have our lives figured out, it will take a sharp turn in order for us to keep learning our lessons.  I think what many people fail to realize is the lessons never end.  We are supposed to spend our whole lives learning because there is so much to discover within ourselves & in this world.  A lifetime of living is never enough to learn it all.


I'm living proof that you can do everything right & do right by everybody you come in contact or connect with & still get hit by a ton of bricks.  I took a lot of hits before I figured out that some bricks I can dodge with ease & some bricks will have my name written all over it so I can't slow or stop them from hitting me.  
What saves me before I get hit & restores me after is when I choose to seek circumstances that will humble me.  Those are my best moments because I am open to learning my lessons. 


Once I get it then I can move onto the next lesson I need to learn so I can live a better life.  People should have a knowing inside of them, a spiritual connection so they can choose wisely & become comfortable in their own skin.  This is where life becomes tricky because a lot of what "KNOWING" means is to be very clear about all forms of truth.  Be very clear about how people see & perceive you in every light & how you see yourself.  


Too many people convince themselves that they are one way or a certain character but don't realize that the world has a very different view of them.  You have to learn how to see yourself from all angles & then put the time & energy you need into discovering who you truly are so you don't have to always be on.  The creator placed a moral compass within each of us so we just need to learn & then practice how to be guided by our higher self.


You're born into a world that will suck you into many illusions & then break you down in many ways.  Letting your guard down means you trust yourself enough to handle any truth that comes your way.  Your end game in life after stress, struggles, obstacles & fears should be about becoming whole so you are not ALWAYS ON.