Tuesday, July 31, 2012


I was having a conversation about giving real men the credit they deserve & thought to myself I try my best to do this.  I feel everybody who does their best deserves a pat on the back or to hear that they are doing an excellent job.  

I have no problem telling men they are great & expressing what I love about them.  It comes naturally because I see good men doing great things everyday.  It is normal to them & they don't look for praise or credit for being a great father, brother, son, uncle, husband or just working hard to provide for the people they love.  Most men I know always say "this is just what real men do".  

The issue is when people generalize & lump all men into one category.  Sometimes the focus is on males who can't get it together because they dropped the ball on being good fathers, husbands or do things to cause hurt within their relationships & among family.  

Personally speaking, I always see the good in men.  I notice some of the bad too but I don't expect men or women to be perfect.  I love men & think they do an amazing job under the daily stress & pressures they go through.  I would not want to be a man & deal with the world constantly shining a flashlight on my manhood.  

I've learned that what real men do is not easy at all, but their sacrifice comes from a place of love & respect for family.  I give them credit because I know real men are trying to learn & grow just like real women.  I've seen men who do everything right but are labeled no good for the one or few things they messed up really bad.  

Men are human & they will struggle, slip & fall.  The truth is we judge men & expect them to be perfect.  *TRUTH*  We say men don't have to be perfect but if we really acknowledge the truth then we have to admit we want perfect or close to perfection as we can possibly get in a man.  

The truth is, it is not gonna happen!!  What we need to focus on is appreciating & encouraging good men because they need support too.  Some men are into their kids to the point where they are in the salon religiously with their daughters every two weeks just to see a smile on their pretty little faces.  

Those lucky flowers will blossom into "Daddy's little girls" & that will create a special "Daddy Daughter" bond for life.  Some men will be at every basketball or football game & practice as they coach & cheer their children all the way no matter if they win or lose.  Some men are just *SUPERDADS* who love being a father & they put nothing before their children.  

Some men are workaholics & career oriented so they are very focused on achieving their goals so they can be a great provider.  Some men are attentive & will clean, cook, take the kids to school, pack their lunch & sit with them to go over homework.  

Some men are handy & will fix everything in the house, take the garbage out, mow the lawn, wash the car, shovel the snow then run errands for his family to make sure their needs are met.  Some men are great teachers who evolve with their woman & offer a world of wisdom to their kids to help them grow into well rounded human beings.

They are all good men but they are not all the same man.  Some men may have several of these qualities which is amazing, but sorry ladies, you will not get every single quality you love in one man.  You just need to know what you want & will accept from a man.  

You should have requirements & standards but you should not force them on a man who does not possess the qualities that you desire because you are attracted to him.  Be clear what your expectations are & do not force your man to become something he is not.  Be what you desire in someone else.  If we are not perfect, why do we expect our men to be perfect?  

All we are doing is adding stress to our lives & making some good men miserable.  We are not going to get every single thing we want out of a man because life is that not simple, easy or perfect & neither are we.  I've noticed that some women love to compete & compare their men to other men.  If one man is taking his family on vacations every year, a woman will start looking at her man like what's up with that?  

Why aren't you doing that for your family?  If a man is driven in his career & a women sees his growth through promotions & new jobs, she will look at her man like why are you so lazy & not working harder.  If a man loves to spoil his woman by shopping for her, fine dining & showing her off to the world, a woman will look at her man like you really need to step it up!!  

Forget about when women have girls night out!  They size each other up & if somebody has new diamonds or pull up in a new car the first thought is not maybe she worked hard for her money & treated herself to some new jewelry or bought herself a new car, it's I know her man loves her, look at what she has!  

Then women begin to look at their ring finger, their old car & their old man while thinking hmmmmm, I need an upgrade!!!  Women will give a good man attitude for not being the man they desire instead of thinking, I chose the man I am with so why am I trying to change him.  If a woman is truly unhappy with her man she can communicate honestly to make things better.  

If he does not listen or want to hear her truth then she can let him go peacefully.  The choice is hers.  

We do need to give good men credit. We also need to understand that when we as women set standards or requirements for ourselves & our men we will never have to focus on what other women have or what other men do.  

There is a reason you love your man & stuck by your man so if the good outweighs the bad give him the credit he deserves & communicate realistically about making changes.  Society is hard on men, women are hard on men but we can't forget to show appreciation to real men.  That is what real women do.


Dana Marie Cain said...

God has given me a great man. A loving man, a good dad an amazing provider and a fantastic lover. I am a lover of men for I see in them all the good God intends and though there are certainly "bad" men out there, most of the ones I know are truly decent and deserving of love and respect. I worked hard to save my marriage because after 16 years I knew I had a man worth fighting for and I've happy to say my efforts paid off in spades. My man is the very best for me and my children and God has blessed our family so much because of our faithfulness to our union. :)


@ Dana............You are truly lucky in love!! Relationships & marriage can be such a challenge but you have handled it very well. I think putting in the hard work is key because it is not so easy. You are certainly a woman of strength & I wish you all the best! XOXOXOXOXOXO :-)