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Sunday, July 22, 2012

POPCORN LOVE

The prom is over & they are not cute "crazy in love" teenagers anymore but they still behave like teens. The behavior wasn't really cute back then & it really isn't cute now but some adults love their dysfunctional relationships. 
Sometimes my heart truly goes out to all of those couples who are still knee deep into that popcorn & cotton candy love. This experience is for teens only! Popcorn love is that unstable kind of love that has the "No, no, no, no way I'm living without you" vibe to relationships!

They are lost in their younger years. They have a toxic & codependent behavior that does not allow them to grow & have mutually satisfying relationships. In other words they are so high school & if children are involved they suffer silently wishing their parents would grow up!

Popcorn lovers are those people who have been with the same person since childhood experiencing the dysfunctional energy that only a teenage love can bring on. They never end the relationship because their minds have adjusted to the dysfunction.

These couples grow at a different pace than most couples because they usually lack personal growth, maturity & wisdom. They still see their lives through the eyes of the young teenagers they use to be. They cheat on each other for recreation or as a form of escape.

They fight about everything, drag others into their drama, force family or friends to pick sides & then make it up to each other through gifts, a date night out or a family day with the kids. Their love is so immature that it will drain your energy!

They don't notice that their personalities don't quite gel after 15-30years of staying together just for the sake of staying together. They are the kind of couples who can’t seem to leave their relationships or marriages even though the bad outweighs the good. They really believe their world will fall apart if it was over so they stay together in the name of crazy love.

They have more problems than they can count but they either refuse to heal the hurt or to let the relationship go. The disrespect is always at an all time high. People who know & love them usually catch them out with other people holding hands, having dinner & drinks like they are single.

They give the look like you're not going to snitch on me are you??? They create problems by doing the wrong things that have such a negative effect on their families & they force each other to carry the emotional burdens because neither is willing to walk away. One usually plays victim & the other pays them back by being petty.


They cling to each other & cancel each other out at the same time. They are polarized, yolked together & chained up with the key to their freedom being held right in their own hands. They have a circle of friends that ignore or overlook all the bad because they know their advice is useless.

Couples like this are sometimes suffocating to be around because the love is soooooooooooo strong in front of family, friends, co-workers that it comes off like a grand performance. They make you want to throw roses at them & stand up to clap & yell "BRAVO"! All you have to do is look at the sadness or disappointment in their children's eyes because their parents keep hurting & disappointing each other. Kids are the raw truth!

I've watched couples have the kids pick sides or worse tell the kids all of the bad/hurtful things the other parent has done & continues to do. Bad parenting 101 & a WRONG MOVE to make!!!! The kids are already hurting & should never have to choose or cosign on adult problems.

They know enough when they see mommy break down into tears when daddy disappears to so call "guys night out", "hang out with friends" or "work overtime". The kids know enough when they hear doors slamming & curse words shooting venom between two people they love.

Kids know enough when the anger turns into violence because one parent has no control over the other parent so they harm them to try & gain some control. Couples who stay together from a young age but never took the time to build a foundation that they can stand firmly upon are usually delusional.

They create new patterns of codependency & convince themselves they are growing as a couple. They never used their energy & time to discover themselves as unique individuals. Some never lived by themselves, dated or had relationships with other people. Most never gained independence in a way that made them secure if they had to be solo & on their own. They wouldn't know how to function without the other person in their lives.

They have that toxic clingy love thing going on. I have to say a lot of times I've notice that it is the women that try to keep the men in these immature relationships. There is a fear of the unknown. The big what if I can't do better or I feel like I've failed my kids & my family. They don't know how powerful they are. They have no clue that you really can teach people how to treat you, instead they try to force the other person to treat them right or punish them for each time they felt they were treated wrong.

I can remember walking out on an ex. I literally got up, walked out & never looked back. I didn't even look back when I was walking towards the door & can't recall if I even closed the door. I just kept walking & never looked back. I never said a word because there was nothing to be said.

He wasted every opportunity & I was ready to grow up so I moved on without him. When I saw that he was on a path of breaking me down emotionally I was done. It was the day that I decided to teach people how to treat me. It was the day that I decided to put my worth on display. I learned that people should add to or enhance the love you already have for yourself. They should not break you down.

If you have to fight, become violent, cry too much, argue too much, drink too much, eat too much & smoke too much or worse then you need to examine your life. Life isn't perfect but we can have healthy relationships, good love & respect. If your heart, soul & spirit is unhappy then you need to examine the kind of love & relationship you are in.

People care if the world thinks that they are still a couple when they should care if they are respected & truly happy. When you teach people to play games with your heart then they will not respect you or your relationship/marriage. They know you will always come back & take whatever they dish out to you. If you know you are a king or a queen then you will behave like one.

When you behave like one the other person has a choice to love you right or leave you alone. You will survive a break up & you always have a choice at any age to create a better life that brings you true joy & happiness.

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