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Thursday, July 19, 2012

MY HEARTSTRING

BOOGIE-BEAR

I'm truly living for the love of my child.  He is Autistic & non-verbal with sensory issues to sound, food, lights, etc....  Imagine talking to your child every single day & they never say one word or sentence because they can't.  Imagine the frustration they would feel if they couldn't express themselves so people could understand how they are feeling.  

My life has changed drastically & it is most definitely a new normal.  I can't cross the street with him. I have to time each distance just in case something sets him off because he is sensitive to so many things. 


I have to plan almost everything in advance because he does not respond well when something is not a part of his routine.  I can't just take him to places or people's homes & I can't just leave him without someone who is use to caring for his needs.  


I can't even go to the park alone because Autistic children take off running & can run into the street or throw themselves down right in the middle of ongoing traffic.  I have had some interesting heart jumping out of my chest experiences.


I've watched parents become frustrated as if they want to give up on their child who has disabilities but it just makes me love him more & work harder to be an amazing mother.  


People always seem to think I don't want to make time to visit, attend their parties & events but I go nowhere & do nothing if my son can't go with me or at least have the best care while I'm gone.  


I've been told that I miss out on some great times but people need to understand that I don't want to miss out on one precious moment knowing that my son truly needs me.  


Yes life is all about him.......All day!  Everyday until he is independent. (And I will still be right there.....)


My son has taught me that when life does not turn out as planned we adjust accordingly while adding some of  our own rules for loving the life we've been gifted.  It has made me appreciate the power of words but it has showed me the power of love.  


Love can truly move mountains.  Our daily communication is love & affection.  We share constant hugs, laughter, kisses, direct eye contact, smiles & I say many words.  


I talk to him all the time & I say the words "I love you" almost a hundred times a day waiting for him to have his break through.  I do this knowing one day he will say "I love you too mom." I have no doubt & have the strongest faith in my son.


His eyes carry beautiful energy.  His silence speaks a language of love.  He has taught me to value our quality time as mother & son.    


He is a constant reminder of the importance of parenthood, but how we choose to mother our children is what matters most.  I'm his advocate, his best buddy & support system.  


I'm that force in his life that gives him confidence in who he is as a human being.  He is truly the best teacher I have ever had in "life class".  


He's my Boo-Bear & inside of his heart is where I live. 

~Bindu  

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