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Sunday, July 29, 2012

ME & MY HAIR

I have to shout out & thank one of my favorite girls in the world, JULIAN RITA ADDO of BELLA KINKS!! I know that I would never have taken or posted this picture of myself if I wasn't encouraged & supported by her to take a pic for her natural hair website http://bella-kinks.com/, which I write articles for about topics that connect how you feel about your hair, self-esteem & your worth.

*BEAUTIFUL RITA*

http://bella-kinks.com/
Rita has taught me so much about my hair & about my self worth. Who knew that I could actually learn so much about myself through my hair. I know for both women & men hair is a big deal. I love long hair on other people but I can do without it.

I am the type of person that would shave my head bald & be quite comfortable with it. When I was a teenager I recall experimenting with my hair then cutting it all off, tossing some gel in it & feeling more free than I have ever felt in my life. I like short hair, I love natural hair but I also love many styles I see on other women & men too.

My hair has taught me many lessons. One lesson is that something so minor or trivial to me can be major or crucial to someone else. I'm sure people who suffer from hair loss & who may have cancer appreciate being blessed with a head full of hair.

Also how I see myself & define what is beautiful within me is completely different than how people see, perceive & receive me. We are definitely seeing someone & something different which is okay, but it made me curious as to why.

I'll style my hair but not truly care for it like I could or should have. I thought maybe I let myself go & became lazy. I know that I go all out & I am hands on with everything connected to me but why not my hair? Maybe I am just not as emotionally invested in my hair as most people.

I really could care less, that is until Rita encouraged me to take better care of my hair & wear my natural afro kinky curls. Little did she know that she was literally tugging at my roots. The root & reasons why I slick my hair back or up in a bun almost everyday if I don't cut it really short.

I'm grateful to her because I was very encouraged but I still wondered why I didn't care about my hair. People can tell me it looks great but if they only knew the fights with knots & tangles I have from ignoring it. I take quick care of my hair because I have to go out, not because I love my hair!

I have to be honest about my hair & say that it had to grow on me. (no pun intended) I always thought it was okay but never quite what I would like to have on my head. It didn't occur to me that there was actually a connection between my hair & my worth until I dug a little deeper. I learned that I had some deep rooted hair esteem issues.

I had to ask myself why I didn't love my hair? I never thought about it much but I knew one thing. My hair automatically triggered thoughts of my father. I put it out of my mind but had to really ask myself why. I realized that I have my father's hair but I never acknowledged that it bothered me tremendously. This led me to ask myself why wouldn't I want to have my father's hair?

At first I was in denial & thought, well my mother has thick, gorgeous, strong strands that never stop growing! Her short hair cuts are to die for! Then I thought so do my sisters & my brother! Everybody had thick & strong strands except for me. I love their hair but don't feel the same about mine. In my eyes my hair felt like no matter what I did to make it strong, it was fragile, thin, stringy, damaged & breaking all the time.

Funny how my hair reflected how I felt about myself when I thought about my biological father. I have his complexion & hair texture but I never had him in my life. My hair to me is a constant reminder of not receiving the love I needed & deserved from my father.

No matter how hard I try to love my hair I will always find something wrong with it or see something different than what others see. No matter how much I try to love my father I always see something wrong & different than others see in him.

Seeing my hair out in a curly Afro reminds me of the only pic I saw of my dad for so many years. He had a huge curly Afro & a gorgeous smile. I carried that picture around in my heart for many years thinking......that's my dad! Everything I knew about him was told to me by somebody else.

He's like the nicest, coolest & most amazing stranger that I never knew. I've ran into strangers who know my parents who would say "I know your dad, you are ?????'s daughter right?, Wow you look so much like your dad!" My response is always honest. I say "thanks for telling me that because I wouldn't know." The truth just is. Life is always teaching me even when I don't want to learn. Life has even given me lessons through my hair .

No matter how I try not to think about my dad & how different my life could have been my hair actually makes me think about him almost every day. I've learned to love my hair & now I feel good thinking about him. Every time I wear my hair out in a kinky curly fro I reflect on that picture of him that I keep in my heart. When my hair is in a natural curly Afro I don't see me & my hair, I only see my dad.

I have thank two amazing ladies who inspired others to love their natural hair.

Gorgeous Vashti from http://thehodgepodgefiles.blogspot.com/

Beautiful Jennifer from http://curlbycurl.blogspot.com/
They have inspired me because they make caring for their natural hair look so easy & so good!! I'm finally loving my new hair journey! It's a new look & a new me!! Be inspired & encouraged to dig deep into your natural roots so you can explore & enhance your natural beauty. Below are some of my favorite links by the beautiful women who have encouraged me to embrace my natural roots & beauty so I can take great care of me, my esteem & my hair.
*LOVING THE BOND OF SISTERHOOD*

6 comments:

Temeka said...

Bindu! I loved this post...it made me tear up how you intertwined the relationship of your hair to your relationship with dad. The bond that we now share means so much to me and I hope we only get closer and I also hope that you and dad are able to create a relationship of your own. I love you!!!

Bindu said...

Temeka.......THANKS SO MUCH SIS!!! I just spoke my personal truth from the heart & I'm so glad it touched you. I love our bond as sisters & I love our family. Everything happens for a reason & I have no doubt that my bond with you will only become tighter. As for dad, I love him very much & I know that we will have a wonderful relationship. I've learned to live my life through love which heals all things over time. I'm grateful to be blessed with such a beautiful, loving & intelligent sister & I adore you. I'm also grateful because dad gave us each other & there is no better gift than the bond of sisterhood. I LOVE YOU & DAD VERY MUCH!!! XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Vee said...

*tardy for the party* lol

I really enjoyed this post....it so much more than "just hair" sometimes. Yes, Julian is awesome and she's inspired me to step further out of my comfort zone too. Thanks so much for the shout out Bindu. I appreciate you :)

Bindu said...

@ Vee.....LOL @ Tardy for the party! Thank you & I appreciate you as well. Yes Rita will push all of us way out of our comfort zone but I'm loving it!!! I commend you ladies for staying true to who you are. Let's keep inspiring others to be naturally beautiful inside & out. XOXOXOXOXOXO

Mónica said...

I loved reading this post, Bindu. I identify with you in the way you set up all these connections, how you understand your own personal lifeweb. Readings like this make you ponder about yourself. Going deep into us is a much needed exercise most people forget. You certainly inspire me to do so.

Bindu said...

Thank you so much Mónica! It is not easy at all but I do dig deep & try to get to the root of any personal issues or pain I hold inside of me. I love sharing my thoughts because I do want others to ponder, feel a connection or simply be inspired in some way. Life is about so many things but healing your hurt is one of the most important things we should all focus on. :-)