Don't ask if you don't know!
Don't tell if you do know!
As a kid I heard this from a lot of people & all I could think was maybe if we talked about it we can wash the dirt off & figure out the best way to heal ourselves. Clearly people are damaged, hurting & in serious pain. What better comfort to offer them than telling them it is not their fault, they are not alone, they are still worthy & truly valuable.
Why are we encouraging each other to suffer silently? How can we help one another if we don't help heal ourselves & share that same recipe that saved our souls with others so they can be whole again? REALITY CHECK: This is why young boys are beaten, abused, raped, sodomized & never recover from abuse in the home or from being sexually assaulted by strangers, yet they still have to deal with society placing pressure on them to act like men. How does that work????
How the heck can you act like a man when your boyhood was stolen by monsters who made you feel less than human? How can we expect them to recover from that horrific experience that is not their fault? This is why people complain but do nothing when family members or people who have access to families rape & molest little girls.
I don't care what story or excuse parents give, as far as I'm concerned you can never protect & communicate enough with your child. Encourage them to speak their truth not hide secrets & protect the shame!
They do nothing & that is never okay! How can people even function & live happy lives with that level of pain? I actually know exactly how! They take their pain & hurt out on themselves or others who they date, marry, work with, have friendships with, live with, give birth to & care for by abusing drugs, alcohol, showing promiscuous behavior, anger, violence, prostitution, etc...... Their silence speaks very loud & clear to me every day!
This dysfunction is what I didn't understand & probably will never understand about society. I truly take the time to learn, try to understand & get some clarity with things that don't add up to me. People giving up by not washing their dirty laundry is one of these things that I just don't get.
We all love fresh clean clothes! A batch of clean smelling laundry with those fabric softener sheets smell & feel so good, so why wouldn't people want to do that with their inner dirt. Healing is the detergent for the dirty laundry of the soul & nobody should live life without cleaning their soul.
We can save ourselves & stop the dysfunctional behavior! We can heal & live pain free lives. Joy really is just around the corner but we must shatter our shame first! We should encourage our children to communicate honestly instead of shutting them down when they speak their truth.
We should not cosign on those sick family secrets of sexual abuse, domestic violence, rape, incest, drugs, alcoholism, lack of emotional support & unconditional love, being judged by people who are supposed to love & care for us, neglect, abandonment & so on.
At what point do we stop talking about breaking the cycle & actually bust that negativity wide open to grip it at its root so we can heal the heck out of it. When is hiding our hurt going to end?
You will start to have anxiety & the stress of carrying such a heavy burden will manifest in other ways. People can smell other people's dirty laundry so it doesn't matter if you pretend your whole life & convince yourself that all of your shame, fear & humiliation is well hidden. I know it's not because I see it plain as day all the time in every culture, class, race & religion!
We see you! We love you! We are hurting for you! *TRUTH*
People are suffering everyday & it's not right to force them or make them feel like they should never share or expose their pain. That is a sick message society sends when they tell somebody to hide their truth instead of allowing them to discover they are never alone & are unconditionally loved & supported.
It doesn't even make sense to blame or judge a person who has already been victimized enough. We should have the love, hugs & care on stand by ready to give people all the support they need to survive in this world. That dirty laundry message has people really twisted. It's a bad message because we can all clean our dirty laundry & wash our pain away. It's called healing!
We have to practice compassion & stand by one another, support one another, figure out how to help heal our children, men & women. Standing up & speaking out is how we empower ourselves. What if that was you, your child or your family? Would you want to be judged or loved?
The best message I received from attending a wonderful family reunion was that:
WE NEED EACH OTHER TO SURVIVE.....*TRUTH*
If you or someone you know is in need please get the support & help you deserve starting today!
http://www.rainn.org/ (RAPE, ABUSE & INCEST NATIONAL NETWORK)
You can always reach your local rape crisis center directly by calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE.
Sanctuary for Families is the leading nonprofit in New York State dedicated exclusively to serving domestic violence victims, sex trafficking victims, and their children.
In New York City:
Sanctuary for Families: (212) 349 – 6009
Press 0 for general information and for information about shelter
Press 1 for Clinical Program
Press 2 for Legal Center
Press 3 for Children’s Program
Press 8 if office is closed and on weekends - Sanctuary is open from 9 am - 6 pm on Monday - Thursday, and 9 am - 5 pm on Fridays.
Press 9 for Spanish
New York City’s 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline: (800) 621 – HOPE
In New York State:
New York State's 24-hour Domestic Violence Hotline:
(800) 942-6906 (English)
(800) 942-6908 (Spanish)
Outside of New York State:
National Domestic Violence Hotline:
(800) 799 – SAFE