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Saturday, July 21, 2012

BROKEN HEARTS

I really do not know of anyone who actually enjoys breaking up with somebody they've given their heart to or shared a part of their life with. You've opened up your heart, shared family, friends & became completely vulnerable to another person but IF YOUR HEART ISN'T IN IT why is it so hard to honestly tell them?

The break up becomes even worse for those who build up the courage to be honest about how they feel. It is a problem when the other person does not want to hear & accept it, believe it & act on the truth when told things have come to an end.

I think we get stuck in the idea of what relationships are suppose to be instead of how to manage all the changes that we experience while maintaining or moving on with our lives. When you truly love & care for somebody in a way that isn't selfish then you sacrifice the burden of breaking up. It will be painful but in order to move forward you must wish them well knowing that you can't stand the thought of them being with another person.

Broken hearts can lose touch with reality so easily that people do crazy things & feel sick to their stomach or like they are about to lose their minds. People want a return on all the time, money, love & energy they put into another person. In order to move on you must communicate honestly with yourself first & then the other person.

Some people ease out of their relationships by seeing other people. This usually happens when things are going bad or somebody needs space but either one person or both are in denial so they function as a couple & live a life outside of the relationship. This is why honest communication is key no matter how heart breaking it can be. This is why people who argue, fight & break up to make up on a regular basis create bigger problems for themselves in the future.

If a man says "I'm not happy" or "I can't do this anymore", "I'm worn out", "This situation is too much for me"......I would wish him well, keep it positive & then keep it moving. A man or woman who says this is communicating that they don't want to cheat or keep cheating so please set them free or give them the space they need to figure out which direction they want to go in with their relationship or marriage.

Most people take this message as "oh he or she is mad right now but they'll be back" or "that's not what she/he really means". People adjust so their dysfunction becomes their normal routine. You know something is off within you when someone just told you their truth but you don't want things to end so you convince yourself that it is something other than what it really is.

Now the biggest mistake that we all make is hanging around. It can be so painful....May I suggest you keep it moving! If you hang around you will always be Plan B. The back up & go to person to lean on, use up when things are going wrong for the person whose heart isn't in the relationship anymore.

Fight those feelings! You are setting yourself up for a deeper level of pain & heartache that is far worse than letting go. You will be taken advantage of if you do not set boundaries in your life. People will only do what you allow them to get away with. Yes this means you will be lonely, so fill up your void with positive people, places & things.

Cling to those that truly love & support you!!! Yes this means you will have to deal with nosey people asking you "what happened", "OMG you made such a nice couple", "I thought the love was strong", blah, blah & more blah....I would simply say "I would have loved for things to work out for us but people grow apart. I'm hurting but moving forward with my life & will always wish nothing but the best for my ex." (Inside I would be thinking.....shut up & pass the damn chocolates & kleenex so I can weep in peace!!!!)

Letting go takes time but we all get through it somehow. If you don't know your worth & aren't at peace within yourself it will not play out that way. In the midst of mixed emotions there will be anger & resentment. This is when you discover that people keep a mental note of EVERYTHING they've every done, given or sacrificed for the other person. Now you have to deal with the YOU OWE ME FOR MY LOVE & YOU WILL PAY UP drama.

It is just human emotions getting the best of our ego. It happens to all of us!! Instead of focusing on what went wrong or how the other person did you wrong & now they want to leave you lonely, fight to keep your life moving forward. Do not drown your sorrows into the next person unless you want to "rebound".

Put your energy & precious time into yourself. Use break ups as an opportunity for growth & self discovery. Your life is not about other people, it really is about you. People come into your life to teach you about who you are at different stages of your journey. I've learned the best thing a person can do no matter what is to learn, grow & flow forward in a space of gratitude.

No matter what happens find a reason to be thankful & focus on how valuable you are. Forget what others think or say about you & your relationships because what matters most is knowing that you are a gift that life has offered to this world. Never forget that you are worthy of true joy & happiness.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Great post as always...

Bindu said...

@ Anonymous......THANK YOU!! :-)